Tonyael Miller's Journey: From Postpartum Depression to Empowered Fitness Trainer

Hey everyone, welcome back to The Beauty in You podcast! In today's episode, we have a powerful conversation with certified master trainer, fitness enthusiast, and founder of Tonyael Miller Fitness, Tonyael Miller.
 
Tonyael opens up about her personal journey with postpartum depression after the birth of her daughter. She shares how incorporating fitness and talk therapy helped her navigate this challenging time, despite the stigma surrounding mental health in the African American community.

Together, we dive into the importance of addressing mental health struggles, seeking help beyond just prayer, and embracing past experiences for personal growth and healing. We discuss pushing through discomfort, treating life like a job where setbacks are inevitable, and the necessity of continuous learning.

Tonyael and Chi Quita also get real about the challenges of making time for self-care as busy moms. They share tips for intentional scheduling, getting comfortable with alone time, and role modeling mental health practices for their children.

You'll come away from this episode feeling inspired to prioritize your own mental and physical wellbeing.

So grab your headphones, find a comfy spot, and join us for this uplifting conversation. Let's discover the beauty in ourselves, together.


To work with Tonyael Miller: 
Website: www.fitbytm.com
IG: @tonyaelm
FB Business Page https://m.facebook.com/tonyaelm/

 
To work with Chi Quita Mack:
Take Back Your Life 1-on-1 Coaching — Life Coach - The ChiQuita Mack
To Purchase The Beauty in You Workbook:
https://www.thechiquitamack.com/shop-tcm/p/the-beauty-in-you-a-guide-created-to-help-you-discover-the-best-version-of-you
Chi Quita Mack's Website: https://www.thechiquitamack.com
Chi Quita Mack Shop/ Merchandise: https://www.thechiquitamack.com/shop-tcm
Follow on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thechiquitamack

Chapters

• 5:19 Struggled with pregnancy, needed more than prayers
• 11:15 Open communication and understanding aids relationships
• 20:01 Alone time is important for personal growth
• 29:40 Therapy and experiences shaped me into today

Transcript

Jacqueline G. [00:00:01]:
Welcome to the Beauty in you podcast, a safe place created for all women to come relax, get inspired, and be constantly reminded that they have not lost the ability to be who they once were. Join us as we dive into the true meaning of rediscovery through inspiring guests and topics such as healing, self love, and creating a positive mindset. So sit back, relax and get comfortable as we dive into this week's episode. Here's your host, Chiquita Mack.

Chi Quita Mack [00:00:30]:
Hey, y'all. Welcome back to another episode of the Beauty in you podcast. Our guest today is a certified master trainer and fitness enthusiast and the founder of Tonyael Miller Fitness. Through her business, she has trained, educated, and motivated hundreds of women worldwide by sharing her experiences and struggles. As a single mom and mental health advocate, she is dedicated to educating women on healthy lifestyle changes that positively impact both fitness and mental health. Besides her business, she is a fitness model, brand ambassador and enjoys traveling with friends and family. Welcome to the Beauty in you podcast. Tonyael Miller.

Chi Quita Mack [00:01:11]:
How are you, mama?

Tonyael Miller [00:01:12]:
Good. Thank you for having me.

Chi Quita Mack [00:01:14]:
I am very excited to have you. I'm very excited to have this conversation. I know we're going to talk about some real life things that need to be talked about, especially in our community, the african american community. So I just can't wait to dive in. So you already know where I'm about to go with this. I'm about to ask you to tell me your rediscovery journey and take me on the ride.

Tonyael Miller [00:01:37]:
Okay. So, as she mentioned, I am a master certified personal trainer. I'm also a mental health advocate and a fitness enthusiast. So I wasn't always a fitness enthusiast. I wasn't always a certified personal trainer either. So I actually got diagnosed with postpartum depression back in 2012, right after I had my daughter, Janelle. And at that moment, you know, being a therapist, at that moment, I just felt like it was a lot going on. I didn't really know what to do.

Tonyael Miller [00:02:08]:
I just felt like I wasn't myself. I am kind of like into holistic health, or I am into holistic health now, but at the time, I didn't know that I was into holistic health, but I've always been against medication. So I knew that me going to the doctor, I knew the first thing that they were going to do is just try to, you know, suggest me being on some type of medication in order to help with the postpartum depression. So at the time when I was diagnosed, I was actually in my first trimester. So I'm like, no, I don't wanna take any medication. Cause I don't want it to affect my daughter. I don't want her to have some type of defects after she's born and I don't want it to affect me as well. So they recommended me to do talk therapy with the therapist.

Tonyael Miller [00:02:53]:
And going into the talk therapy, I'm just thinking like, this is going to be something off tv. I'm just going to lay down here, this lady is going to write all of these notes and it's just going to, you know, just be like how it is off tv. So to my surprise, my experience was amazing. It was different. My therapist, she was young, she was kind of my peer. She actually had went to the same college as me, so we actually had a lot in common and the experience was just amazing. Like, literally from the moment that I got there, she just made me feel comfortable. She listened to me.

Tonyael Miller [00:03:28]:
I did like the fact that I felt like that. She pretty much was non biased when it came to a lot of things. So she wasn't my family member or my friends. So everything wasn't like, yes, I agree with you. If it was something that I was doing wrong or that she felt like was detrimental to my health, then she would let me know, like, you know, you need to change this or you need to work on that. So again, fast forward to that journey. She was the one, she was an avid runner and she actually had recommended me to start working out. So back then, I was not the workout person that I am now.

Tonyael Miller [00:04:03]:
So back then, every year when I used to run and do the math, I actually used to get a doctor's excuse when I was in high school because I couldn't run. But I'm like, okay, you know what? I'm gonna try this. I wanna get myself together, you know, post baby and see how it goes. And from there, that was my first major accomplishment. I was able to run 10 miles in under 2 hours. Of course I trained for it, but, yeah, so I was still seeking a therapist. I hired a trainer in order to get me in shape for the run. And then after that, just, I think the fitness enthusiast was born.

Tonyael Miller [00:04:39]:
So I was just, I don't know, it was just something that just marked a new confidence in me and just helped me become the woman that I am today.

Chi Quita Mack [00:04:47]:
Yeah, I love everything about that. I love everything about your story, especially what you're doing now. Just keeping people in shape, looking good, but you also do the mental health side of it. But I want to take it back to the postpartum because I think that's something that is, we hear a little bit more now, but not so much then. And I think it's important that we talk about that and the importance of going to therapy. Did you have any restrictions at first, besides the medication, about going to seek a therapist?

Tonyael Miller [00:05:19]:
I was open to it. So I would say the restrictions were more, again, my family, so, and especially with us being a part of the african american community, you know, most of the time, especially our elders, they like to say to pray about things. And again, I was born in church, raised in church, always went to church. So I wasn't against prayer, but I just knew that I needed to do something extra added on, on top of the prayer, because I was doing all the things that I would normally do, and it wasn't working. And then again, when I was talking to my family, I just felt like they were always, like they really didn't understand what I was going through. So I knew that it was something wrong and that I didn't feel the same, and I wasn't comfortable sharing all the things that were going on as far as my daughter's dad, just the way that I was feeling, like all the things that were happening in my life, again, for me, I felt like pregnancy was supposed to be the happiest experience of my life, and something that was supposed to be the happiest moment was one of the saddest moments. And I just knew that I didn't want this to have effect on my child later on in life.

Chi Quita Mack [00:06:27]:
Yeah. And I think you hit all the points I wanted you to hit, actually. But I think it's important that we talk about it, because your family, especially african american family with mental health, you know, it's always, don't be telling those folks your business.

Tonyael Miller [00:06:46]:
Mm hmm.

Chi Quita Mack [00:06:48]:
Get through it. I've been through it. You'll be fine, girl. Don't worry about it. Yes. Pray about it. And it's like, yes, I do pray in the morning and at night, however, I need a little bit more. And so I think it's important that we bring awareness to, you know.

Chi Quita Mack [00:07:03]:
Yes. Everyone will tell you that bringing a baby into this world is supposed to be the happiest moment in your life, and it's gonna be so much fun, and y'all about to take all these cute pictures, and then you're gonna have all these cute little outfits. Seriously. And they make it amazing, and you're like, yeah, I can't wait. And then your body start changing. I got attitude all the time, and the baby won't stop crying, and I feel like now all my attention has to go to my child. And what about me? Am I wrong for thinking about myself? Like, I'm really not happy right now. Then you feel guilty for not being happy because everybody else said you're supposed to be happy.

Chi Quita Mack [00:07:40]:
And it's a lot. That's a lot to take in. And I've gone through it as well. When I had my son, I had him at 21 years old, and I was still at college. I was 10 hours away from my family, and I didn't want to go home. And I didn't know how I was supposed to raise this little boy and stay in school and live in this rinky dink apartment because it was trashed. And it was hard for me even talking to my mom, too, because I'm like, I feel this way. I feel that way.

Chi Quita Mack [00:08:09]:
And she even said, you're not coming home. You better get that degree right? So I'm like, okay, I really know what to do here. And I felt a lot of guilt, and I put a lot of time and energy into him, and I became a robot. And I was, like, sad as hell. Like, for real, like, down. And I didn't want to tell anybody about it because this supposed to be the happiest moment in your life, and you had the baby. So why are you, like, all those negative thoughts? All those negative thoughts?

Tonyael Miller [00:08:39]:
And it's actually funny that you said that, because it's actually a term for that. It's called mom guilt. So that's something that I talk to my clients about, too. Like, it's okay to pour into you first. So, actually, I didn't even know at that time that proactively I was learning how to take care of me in order to take care of my daughter. And if I didn't do that, then again, not only would that affect me, but that would also affect her. That would affect the type of parent that I am, the type of mood that I'm in, the type of surroundings that I have her in. So I knew earlier that I needed to get those things in order in order to help me be the best mom that I could be, not only for her, but for me as well.

Chi Quita Mack [00:09:19]:
And that lesson on mom guilt, the lesson on mom guilt, I learned that later. I gotta get out of this. I have to now. I can't function unless I am pouring into, like, I gotta pour to me. You already know I'm not y'all's mama right now.

Tonyael Miller [00:09:34]:
I got.

Chi Quita Mack [00:09:35]:
And they know that. And I begin to teach self care, especially to my daughter, mental health to my, he's older and he's going through the high school years, you know, the parts of mental health and what's going on and talk to me how you feel and what's happening. I learned to pour that into them as well as I was going through, you know, my mental health journey because I just feel it's important. And you're right, we do want to break the cycle. We don't want any of those negative or the baggage, I should say the baggage from our childhood to be carried over or even in our experiences that we're going through to be carried over to our kids. It's like I am going to be the one to break this cycle. Like I'm going to be the one to change the path. And yes, I've been through hell and back.

Chi Quita Mack [00:10:17]:
I'm going to tell y'all about it, but this is also how you get through it. So it's not negating your experiences, it's really embracing those experiences because they ultimately do make us who we are today.

Tonyael Miller [00:10:27]:
Yeah, and actually one thing that I want to hit on too that you just said is actually sharing those experiences with your children. When I was in therapy or, okay, so my daughter's twelve now, so now we're actually have been through this long journey together. But my therapist is actually being open with me and I still go to therapy to this day, everybody, so gotta practice what I preach. But my therapist is actually letting me know, like the things that I go through, that it's okay for me to be expressive to her, to let her know that it's okay. So me and my daughter are literally like BFF's. Like we talk about everything, but I love the relationship that we have because I like the fact that she's very open with me. We communicate about everything. Even now she'll tell me like, I just need a mental health day, but, and I let her know, like that's okay.

Tonyael Miller [00:11:15]:
Like sometimes you have to take a break. So again, her being open and not afraid to tell me that today is a stressful day for me and I just want to stay at home or I just want to relax, I don't want to go anywhere, I don't want to do anything. I just love that we have that open communication. I actually had a few sessions with my mom and my mom was actually telling my therapist when we were trying to amend the relationship that we have. She just, you know, one interesting thing she kept saying is they don't understand. They don't understand. And the therapist was telling her the same thing that she told me. You have to tell her what you've been through in order for her to understand, because that way, it can help me in the relationship that we have, but also help me navigate how I work with her and how we can move forward, which is what I'm doing with my daughter now.

Chi Quita Mack [00:12:01]:
I love it. That's beautiful. I love it because it is very important. And that openness is so important. My mom wasn't open to talk at first. She's like, I don't remember. Yes, you do.

Tonyael Miller [00:12:14]:
That's my dad.

Chi Quita Mack [00:12:15]:
You remember? Cause I remember like, it was yesterday. Let me tell you real quick, since you don't remember. But I think it's important, like I said, to have that open communication. But I do. I do tell my kids. But I will tell you, though, before I started being super open, it wasn't until my son actually told, like, realized that mommy wasn't happy that I realized I couldn't fool my kids, too. And so. And he was only five then, and he had asked me, you know, like, you know, mommy, why? Why are you so sad? And I'm like, what? Like, I really thought I was doing a good job, but that's when I realized, like, nah, girl, you have got to, you know, do the work.

Chi Quita Mack [00:12:52]:
You've got to get better and heal, and your babies see it. And I do not need them to be like, mom, I remember when I was five and you was doing, no, no. So let me get myself together and then communicate with them. But they will pull that. They do say I need a mental health date, but they do pull at you. Like, mom, remember you said you telling everybody else about self care? I'm like, you know what? Go ahead. I don't care. You better do that work.

Tonyael Miller [00:13:16]:
Right, exactly.

Chi Quita Mack [00:13:19]:
So I'm really, really open to that. For your women out there, especially in the african american community that are dealing with the mom guilt, what advice would you give to them?

Tonyael Miller [00:13:33]:
I guess my first thing would be to try to figure out where is that mom guilt coming from. So what is it that is making you feel guilty? One thing for me, we talked about self care, but again, my biggest thing is that you can't pour from an empty cup. So I know a lot of times we feel like we have to pour everything into our children, but we also have to pay attention to what we do and pay attention to us first. And I think a lot of times the mom think that, okay, self care has to be a whole day. It doesn't. It can literally be something that's 30 minutes, but again, giving yourself that time. So even for me, one of the things that I started to realize was during COVID Well, no, I'll take it back. So I have a funny story that my first breakdown as a mom was, again, like you were saying earlier, it's like all the time, it's like you're only taking care of yourself.

Tonyael Miller [00:14:29]:
And then one moment it just clicks that you have to take care of somebody else. So I'll never forget, like, I was single, living by myself again. Everything I'm able to do, I could just jump up, go to the store, walk to this place, do this, do that. I was living in Chicago in a basement apartment. And it was. I had my daughter in April. I think it was cold outside around this time. And I just remember in the fact I wanted to go to Wendy's to get a cheeseburger and I literally cried because I had to.

Tonyael Miller [00:14:56]:
Like, I couldn't just get up and go. I had to put this tiny baby in a car seat, wrap her up. And I think that was, like, my first. I don't know, I think that was, like, my first connection with the mom. Guilt. Because it's just like, I feel guilty for being sad because at that moment I wanted to be selfish, but I know that I couldn't. But then as I got older, then I started to realize, you do have to have those moments of selfishness. But it doesn't have to be a whole entire day.

Tonyael Miller [00:15:24]:
It can literally be 30 minutes, 45 minutes, and it's whatever makes you feel good. So what I started to do during COVID you know how we all had a routine, but then we lost that routine. I actually started to build that routine in the home. So when Covid first started, I remember that I would wait, let's see. She started school, I think, at 715. I will wake up at seven, log on to the computer. I would get up at seven. Or.

Tonyael Miller [00:15:49]:
No, I would get up. Yeah, we would both get up at seven. I fixed up some breakfast while I climb the computer. And then she started her day. And my whole day was structured around her. But what I started doing was actually getting up an hour before she did. So again, I would do some type of workout for about 30 minutes in the living room. I would do some affirmations that would take me all of five or ten minutes, do a little bit of journaling, drink some coffee and listen to some music, and then pour into her.

Tonyael Miller [00:16:15]:
So again, like, the question that you said is for those moms that experience mom guilt. First of all, you have to figure out where that guilt is coming from, and then you also have to figure out how to pour into yourself before you pour into your kids, because, again, a lot of times, we pour everything into the children that we forget about ourselves. And when we forget about ourselves, then again, our health deteriorates mentally and physically. We're not properly taking care of the nutrition, meaning that we're just grabbing the same McDonald's that we're getting the kids. So, again, it's all about just time and preparation and then knowing where are you guilty from? In what ways can you work on it?

Chi Quita Mack [00:16:52]:
Yes, all of that. So write it down. I hope you all wrote it down, because it's important. I think that it's important to just be intentional. I always talk about when we start talking about self care or talking about doing those things for ourselves, it's just be intentional. And I'm like. I mean, like, literally put in your calendar me time, whether it's 510, 15 minutes, and when that alarm goes off, it's like, oh, it's me time. Let me go.

Chi Quita Mack [00:17:21]:
And action that. So now you've been intentional about it, and you're putting an action to it, because our calendars, I'm sure it's full for everybody else. So and so needs this. So and so got a doctor's appointment. So and so got to go here. Da da. And they were like, God, I'm exhausted. So it's like, okay, well, then put yourself in the calendar, because you seem to do what's in your calendar.

Chi Quita Mack [00:17:39]:
So put your yourself in there and then be intentional about those actions. It is very important to just. To just understand that we have to come first. And it's not selfish. You say, like, oh, my God. But, no, it's not selfish. Like, we have got to put ourselves first, especially. I mean, all women, but us black women, I'm sorry.

Chi Quita Mack [00:17:59]:
We carry so much at all times. We have so much on our plate. We have a lot of roles, and when it comes to us, we're just expected to take it, I think, all the time, more so than anybody else. And so I really think it's important that we are intentional about ourselves and intentional about what we do with our own self care.

Tonyael Miller [00:18:20]:
Yeah. And one thing, too, in order for you to be intentional. So this is one thing that I teach my clients is to do, like you said, scheduling. I call it time blocking, too. So I do create a schedule at the beginning of the week, but I also literally have, like, a calendar. Well, I work on my calendar first. So I'll do my weekly schedule. I do a timesheet as well, so it goes like, it blocks off the hours in a day.

Tonyael Miller [00:18:46]:
So I put my schedule in there. So my work time, whatever I have to do with my daughter, whatever appointments we have throughout week. But I actually go and I see what are pockets of time that are empty. And then I schedule things for me to do, whether that's taking a 30 minutes walk during my lunch break or that's getting up an hour early to have coffee by myself, listening to some music alone, journaling, taking a bath on Saturday night, drinking some wine, whatever it is to help you with yourself in order to be intentional with your schedule and your time. Because we don't have a lot of time because we're giving so much time to everybody else. But like I said before, it does have to be a long time. It just needs to be some time.

Chi Quita Mack [00:19:29]:
Absolutely. So what about. Because we talk about being alone, because I like my alone time. I like being, like, literally by myself. But what about the moms that are afraid to be by themselves?

Tonyael Miller [00:19:41]:
That's a good question. I used to be like that. So I grew up. I was the oldest of four at the time. Now I'm the oldest of six. And it was always people around. So then the same thing. When I had my daughter still somebody around, it was the sisters growing up.

Tonyael Miller [00:20:01]:
Then it went from me and my boyfriend to me and my daughter. So it was never really a time that I had to myself. But then I started to notice that I liked my time alone. When my daughter started being in school and I would have some, I'm like, I don't know what to do. So I think the long time is very important because, again, the kids get older, they get friends, they get busy, and we don't want to fall into the cycle of our whole lives are wrapped around our children, and then they leave us, and we don't know what to do. And again, that's a whole nother set of guilt and depression that people have because their lives are centered around their children or other people. And when those people lead their lives, they don't know what to do. So I actually have talked to my therapist about that because I wasn't on what to do in my long time.

Tonyael Miller [00:20:47]:
So one of my saving graces was working out because it was just like, okay, that's the time that I felt like I got by myself. So again, I can put my music on, listen, do what I need to do, and then worry about my daughter after that. But I just think long alone time is so important because you're able to get that mental clarity of what next. What should I do instead of with the chaos and the clutter of just so many people around you. So a lot of people are afraid of being alone. But alone time is essential. Especially like any type of growth that you need to have, especially mentally, alone time is important. So for those who feel like they're afraid of that alone time, I would say to number one, try to get, or the first thing I would do is to try to figure out what's causing you to be afraid to be alone.

Tonyael Miller [00:21:37]:
And then once you figure out what is it? Because it could be maybe some. For me, it was abandonment issues and that's a whole nother thing, even though both of my parents lived there. But I guess because I had so many siblings at the time that I still felt alone and didn't know that I felt alone. So again, once I worked on those abandonment issues with my therapist, then it wasn't hard for me to be alone, which is right now I just feel like I love my long time. I like by myself. Like if I'm supposed to have plans with somebody and they cancel, good.

Chi Quita Mack [00:22:10]:
I'm like, anyway, yes, I'm the same way. I want to go really anyway, right?

Tonyael Miller [00:22:19]:
Like I'm just socially trying to do this, but really deep down inside, I want to roll up, sit on my couch and watch tv and rub my feet together.

Chi Quita Mack [00:22:26]:
And I'm good with that. Definitely have to be outside of my comfort zone for sure. But yes, alone time is very important and it is very scary. And it's sometimes very scary to be alone with your thoughts. Yeah, depending on how severe they are. But I do think it's necessary. I really, really do. Just getting to know yourself.

Chi Quita Mack [00:22:48]:
Self discovery is happening all the time. I teach a heal, I use the heal framework and it's a circle and it's always going, but you've got to learn how to be by yourself because you're by yourself. I mean, you're by yourself. Like, having that person to lean on all the time is not going to always be there. So it's just very, very important to figure out ways to navigate and really enjoy that alone time. It doesn't have to be all the time, but you need that time to reset. You need to know who you are as a person. You need to really understand who you are not as a mom or sister or a cousin or auntie best friend.

Chi Quita Mack [00:23:22]:
Like, you need to really know who you are. What do you like, what do you like to enjoy? What makes you mad? Seriously, you have to do the work. You have to do the work.

Tonyael Miller [00:23:32]:
Yeah. And I think that was something that I didn't really navigate until after I got pregnant. So again, I was spending. I felt like I was alone, which is kind of ironic because I felt like I was alone, but I wanted to be alone. So again, just navigating that with my therapist was super important for me. It was like I wanted to be alone. But then when I was alone, like you said, I was in my thoughts and I didn't want to be in my thoughts. But again, noticing that that was important for me to actually be in my thoughts and work through that to figure out why was I so afraid of being alone.

Tonyael Miller [00:24:08]:
And so that was something that was kind of like a self discovery for me, but also a good thing. I remember when I was pregnant, that was the first time ever in my life that I actually went to the movies by myself. I actually ate dinner alone, which was just like before I would laugh. Like, people are so weird. Like, why would you do that?

Chi Quita Mack [00:24:30]:
I used to say that, too.

Tonyael Miller [00:24:31]:
Yeah. I'm like, I have all these sisters, friends. I got a boyfriend, a mom, a dad. I never had to do things alone. Now I'm like, I can't. No, I don't need to wait on you. I said, I'm going at 11:00 if you can't go at 11:00 I'm gonna be there by myself. So I love my long time now.

Chi Quita Mack [00:24:47]:
It's funny how that changes. Like, as we get older and we start to really get to know ourselves. I were like, I'm going whether you're gonna be there or not, I need this moment. I think that. I think that's cool. I wanna switch over to you as a trainer and how not just a trainer, because you're in shape. You need to get me in shape. I'm about to sign up now.

Chi Quita Mack [00:25:07]:
I look in shape, but girls, a lie.

Tonyael Miller [00:25:11]:
But I looked apart.

Chi Quita Mack [00:25:12]:
But I really want to. I want to talk about that as your client. Like, what's it like to be one of your clients? And then I want to go. Want you to go into how you tie it into mental health.

Tonyael Miller [00:25:23]:
Okay, perfect. So, actually, I'll start with the mental health aspect at first, because for me, my training is a little bit different because I feel like mentally, one of the programs I have is called mentally fit. And I feel like you need to be mentally prepared before you get into your fitness journey. So with my clients, I actually start in three areas. The first one we start or three phases. The first phase we start with the mindset. I need to mentally get you there before we even do anything else because again, and I've noticed this myself, when I first started my fitness journey and I wasn't mentally connected, I would just be going through the motions. So I would just be going there.

Tonyael Miller [00:26:03]:
It'll be a lot of times I'll go there to try to be cute and take a selfie, get on the trail for ten minutes and leave. I wasn't mentally connected with what I was doing. I was just going to say that I went and I wasn't seeing any changes in the scale physically, like anything. So again, the first step is to mentally get you there. The next step or phase that we go to, which is the nutrition, so you need to, or we work with you to make sure that you're eating what you're supposed to eat as far as your macro breakdown, which is making sure you have the proper protein, the proper carbs, the proper fat. And we also teach you those things in my program and with my clients. So we work on that. And then the next step is to work on fitness.

Tonyael Miller [00:26:48]:
So we actually have like a team of coaches with my program. So again, we have a licensed social worker and then we also have a nutritionist and I have accountability coach. And then me, I'm a master certified trainer. So basically, with the whole entire team, we take you to three phase or three step program in order to help you become mentally fit.

Chi Quita Mack [00:27:10]:
Yeah, I love your team aspect of it because you really can't do it. I mean, you can do it alone, but just really adding that, that mental health part into it and having a team of people that you can rely on, because starting your mental health journey is difficult. And starting your fitness journey is also difficult. And they play hand in hand. If you're not getting the results you want or if you're not mentally fit or mentally set, like you said, they all go hand in hand. So I love the fact that you have said, I'm going to do this, but I'm going to have a team of specialists that can help you through each step of the way. I think that's really important.

Tonyael Miller [00:27:47]:
Yeah. And the reason why I structured and created the program like that is because I just related it back to my fitness journey. So all the things that I had to go through, I remember, you know, when I first started, I wasn't mentally connected. Then when I got mentally connected, my nutrition's up. And then after I got the mental part. Right. The nutrition part.

Chi Quita Mack [00:28:07]:
Right.

Tonyael Miller [00:28:07]:
Then it's like the fitness connected. So I'm like, okay, well, this is the type of program that I need to create for other moms who may be going through postpartum and they don't know where to start or what to do. Okay, let me help you. First, I need to help you get your mind right. Then I'm help you with the food, and then we gonna work on the fitness stuff.

Chi Quita Mack [00:28:24]:
I think that in saying everything, I'm gonna tie it all together. And for those that are gonna are listening, I just wanna reiterate the importance of really looking at your past and learning the lesson from your experiences. So when I hear your story, and it's similar to mine as well, by taking your experiences and turning it into something like you've really gone through, you've gone through a lot. But I think it was necessary. Even though it's not ideal, it's not the best situations. It wasn't all like, roses and flowers, but I do think it was necessary for you to get to this point and to be able to change so many women's lives. And I know there are some people out there that are absolutely ashamed of their past. They don't want to talk about their past, or they don't want to look back at their experiences.

Chi Quita Mack [00:29:12]:
But your experiences really do shape who you are, and they shape who you are as a person. And I just think it's beautiful that you were able to go through everything that you've gone through, and now you're inspiring so many women, and I think that's important to be an example. So you are really an example to so many out there. And I know they're like, they'll probably see you, like, girl, you ain't go through that. Like, yeah, I really did. And this is what I was able to build from that. So how important do you think it is to kind of celebrate your past?

Tonyael Miller [00:29:40]:
I think it's extremely important. I remember when I first started going to therapy, I was embarrassed. I did not want to tell anybody, because just the thought of me actually telling those people my business, I just felt like, okay, I don't know, maybe I just feel like it was kind of, like, stereotype almost. But again, now that I'm out of the thick of it and I look back at it, I feel the same way about, like, what you just said. It's like, okay, it was a reason for that. Because if I didn't go through postpartum, if I didn't get a therapist, if I didn't, you know, run that race, if I didn't do the fitness competition, if I didn't hire trainers, I wouldn't be the person who I am today if I didn't have my daughter. This business not had been birthed at all. So again, my experiences helped me become the woman that I am today.

Tonyael Miller [00:30:30]:
And I'm super grateful for that. I'm super proud of that.

Chi Quita Mack [00:30:34]:
I understand, because I was the same way. Like, I'm super embarrassed going through depression, having these episodes, going through anxiety. Super, super skinny, but sickly skinny, like, trying to cover it up and. But putting on a face and not wanting to talk about it to Dom, like, oh, no, we gonna talk about it. Tell me what happened to you.

Tonyael Miller [00:30:53]:
Uh huh.

Chi Quita Mack [00:30:54]:
Okay. And this is how. Let me motivate you. Let me inspire you. Let me tell you my story, because, yes, that happened to me, too. And I just think it's so important that when you start your self discovery journey, when you start your healing journey, when you start your mental health journey, that you have to go back. Like, we have to start with. I always start with the h, which is honesty.

Chi Quita Mack [00:31:12]:
Like, you have to start with the honesty part of it, and that's being honest with yourself and I being honest about your past, being honest to say that that really did happen to me. I'm not ashamed of that. But let me take the lessons from it and let me grow from this, even though it is extremely uncomfortable, because it's going to be uncomfortable. I mean, every phase of your life, when it starts getting really uncomfortable, you're like, okay, some growth is about to happen. So either I'm going to go this way, I'm going to go this way. So let me go forward so I can continue to grow, because I do have big dreams. And so I think it's really important to push that way and embrace the past, learn the lesson and kind of repeat.

Tonyael Miller [00:31:48]:
Yeah. And like you said, too, I just feel like that that's where the growth happens or it's going to happen. So even, like now, the older that I get, the more that I realize, like, when setbacks happen. And I tell my clients this, too, all the time. So this is my perfect analogy. Like, I feel like you have to treat your body like you treat a job. Things are going to happen in life. Life happens.

Tonyael Miller [00:32:10]:
Like they say, life be life, and things happen. So again, I tell people the goals or whatever goal that you want to reach is like that paycheck. In order to get that paycheck, your boss is not going to pay you if you don't go to work. So a lot of times, sometimes you may get sick, you may have to take a pto, you may have a flat tire, you may come in late, you may have to take a leave of absence because somebody died, whatever, but you're not going to stop working because you need that paycheck. So I try to tell people that they need to apply those same things to their life. And that's how I feel when setbacks happen. Like, okay, I got a flat tire today, but think about all the other things that happen. Like, I'm gonna get my tire fixed.

Tonyael Miller [00:32:53]:
I got insurance or, you know, whatever. It's going to work out. So a lot of times now, I don't even get upset. I'm the biggest crier. I'm a cancer, so I'm a crybaby. I'm the biggest crier. But I'll be so proud of myself now when things happen and I don't cry. And I just feel like that's growth because I'm like, man, the old me, if I would have got a flat tire, I would have been calling my mom, my dad, anybody that'll listen.

Tonyael Miller [00:33:19]:
But now I'm like, you a grown woman. You gonna figure it out. Call triple a. Let them change this tire and go on about your day. There's no point of crying. So again, I just think going back to the first thing that you said is just knowing, like, you know, it's growth in that. And to not be ashamed of the past, because you learn from that going forward.

Chi Quita Mack [00:33:40]:
Growth is necessary. It's so necessary, and we're better for it, and we have so much more growing to do. It's like, am I done? No. Because we have so much more we want to accomplish. So we're going to keep growing and keep learning and keep gaining the experiences, for sure. Absolutely. I want to thank you so much for being a part of the BDNU podcast. Your story is wonderful.

Chi Quita Mack [00:34:04]:
You're such an inspiration, and I know you're just going to continue to grow and do the thing.

Tonyael Miller [00:34:10]:
Thank you. Thank you so much for having me, too.

Chi Quita Mack [00:34:13]:
Absolutely. Can you tell the listeners where they could find you?

Tonyael Miller [00:34:17]:
Yeah. So my instagram is Tonyael M. And it's t o n y a e l m. My Facebook page is Tonyael Miller fitness, Twitter, and TikTok is the same thing. Tonyael tonyaelm. And then I have a website, www.fitbytm.com. so all of those channels.

Chi Quita Mack [00:34:43]:
Yes, yes, yes. I'm going to link all of that in the show notes so it's easier to just click and start your fitness journey and mental health journey, for sure.

Tonyael Miller [00:34:54]:
Yes.

Chi Quita Mack [00:34:55]:
But again, thank you so much.

Tonyael Miller [00:34:57]:
Yes. And thank you for having me, too.

Chi Quita Mack [00:34:59]:
Oh, yeah. Anytime, anytime. All right, you guys, until next time.

Jacqueline G. [00:35:03]:
Thank you for joining us on this week's episode of the Beauty in you podcast. Don't forget to rate reviews you and subscribe. Visit us@thechiquitamack.com or join us on Instagram at thechiquitamack for your daily motivation and inspiration. Tell a friend to tell a friend. Until next time.