The Relationship Builder: Manifesting Love and Self-Care with Shanita Crafter

Welcome to another enlightening episode of The Beauty in You. In our latest episode, we're joined by the inspiring Shanita Crafter, a certified life coach and author. Alongside our host, Chi Quita Mack, Shanita delves into her journey of finding love, maintaining healthy relationships, and prioritizing personal growth.

Shanita shares insights from her book, "Seven Steps to Manifesting Love: You Deserve It, "focusing on the importance of being intentional in relationships. She recounts her unique love story of meeting her husband during the pandemic, getting engaged, and married within seven days all guided by faith and manifesting true love.

The conversation also emphasizes the significance of self-care, setting boundaries, and understanding one's worth. For those keen on exploring more, Shanita offers a free masterclass on manifesting love at sparklemyway.org.

To Connect with Shanita Crafter:  www.sparklemyway.org

To work with Chi Quita Mack: Take Back Your Life 1-on-1 Coaching — Life Coach - The ChiQuita Mack
To Purchase The Beauty in You Workbook:
https://www.thechiquitamack.com/shop-tcm/p/the-beauty-in-you-a-guide-created-to-help-you-discover-the-best-version-of-you
Chi Quita Mack's Website: https://www.thechiquitamack.com
Chi Quita Mack Shop/ Merchandise: https://www.thechiquitamack.com/shop-tcm
Follow on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thechiquitamack

Chapters

• 6:12 Monitor energy, set boundaries, prioritize self-care
• 12:03 Manifesting requires healing and action for results
• 19:19 Speak positively to attract what you desire
• 24:12 Community influence, discernment, and growth challenges mentioned

Transcript

Jacqueline G. [00:00:01]:
Welcome to the Beauty in you podcast, a safe place created for all women to come relax, get inspired, and be constantly reminded that they have not lost the ability to be who they once were. Join us as we dive into the true meaning of rediscovery through inspiring guests and topics such as healing, self love and creating a positive mindset. So sit back, relax and get comfortable as we dive into this week's episode. Here's your host, Chiquita Mac.

Chi Quita Mack [00:00:29]:
Hey, y'all, welcome back to another episode of the Beauty in you podcast. I am so excited because we're going to be talking about so many great things, talking about relationships, self love, self care and just really getting into it. Our guest today is known as the relationship builder. As a certified life coach author in the ingenuous mind behind Spark of my way, she brings a wealth of expertise in cultivating authentic connections and fostering personal growth. Y'all. Her passion for inspiring individuals to spark meaningful transformation in their lives is truly inspiring. Welcome to the Beauty and you podcast. Shanita Crafter Mama, how are you?

Shanita Crafter [00:01:17]:
I'm doing well. How are you?

Chi Quita Mack [00:01:20]:
I am doing well and I am so excited for this day.

Shanita Crafter [00:01:24]:
Me too. Thank you for sharing your platform with me today.

Chi Quita Mack [00:01:28]:
I'm so excited. Of course, like, I am just so happy to talk about all the things today. I don't want to spill too much because I want you to get us started, but I am just ready to dive in it. But before we get into the juicy, juicy of it all, I want to start with your rediscovery journey. So can you take us on our way?

Shanita Crafter [00:01:50]:
Wow. Well, first of all, I just want to say thank you for that amazing introduction. I'm so humble and so grateful to be here. And wow, self care. Self care has been a journey and I had to learn how to really dive deep into self care. I tell people that self care is how you treat yourself when no one else is watching. So being intentional about when you do the things that you like to do for self care, for instance, if you like getting your nails done, that's awesome. The thing is, is about being intentional, feeling the bubbles, you know, when they put the bubbles all in here, water, get the massage chair going, turn off your phone and just sit with yourself and allow yourself to enjoy the little massage and the hot towels that come along with it.

Shanita Crafter [00:02:45]:
So sometimes we'll find ourselves in the routines of doing these things, but we're so distracted. And so one time I was in the nail salon and I was getting a pedicure and this woman said, you look so relaxed. I said just relaxing. No distractions. And so that's what I challenge everyone to do, is just be intentional while you do your self care.

Chi Quita Mack [00:03:11]:
That word intentional has been, like, my word of the year. Really taking the time to do the things that I said I was going to do. But that self care, that part. Oh, I'm real intentional about that. To the point to where I'm like, I am nobody's mama right now. I am intentional. I'm leaving the house. If y'all ain't bleeding, don't call me.

Shanita Crafter [00:03:31]:
That's right.

Chi Quita Mack [00:03:35]:
So I am so happy that when you talk about self care, you really hone in on that word of being intentional about those things.

Shanita Crafter [00:03:45]:
Yes. It's so important.

Chi Quita Mack [00:03:47]:
Absolutely. What advice would you give someone who they trying. They trying to be real intentional about this self care thing, but they just can't get it.

Shanita Crafter [00:03:56]:
I think one of the things that stop people from actually being intentional with self care is that sometimes they may allow themselves to feel guilty, and you have to realize that self care is not selfish. And so remove the guilt, because if you're not good for yourself, you're not gonna be good for anyone else. That's why I just think it's so important to just really take the time out for you.

Chi Quita Mack [00:04:20]:
Absolutely.

Shanita Crafter [00:04:22]:
Take those deep breaths. Pause for a moment. I don't care if it's five extra minutes in the shower. You have got to teach people to respect your boundaries. Set a boundary with them. Hey, I need 15 minutes, please. I just need some time for myself. And you have to kind of, like, coach people through it.

Shanita Crafter [00:04:43]:
And if you don't demand that space, people will never give it to you. So you have to take it.

Chi Quita Mack [00:04:51]:
Girl, I feel like you're talking to me a long, long time ago. Seriously. Like, I remember when my husband came back from his deployment, and, I mean, you gotta get used to each other again. Cause you're gone. You know, you're separating. You're operating differently. But my quiet time, because I was mom and dad, right? Was my time in the morning, like, before the kids woke up, I would wake up early, I would journal, I drink my little tea. Like, that was my quiet time before I got up and started getting everybody together.

Chi Quita Mack [00:05:22]:
But when he got home and I got up, he got up, and I was like, wait a minute.

Shanita Crafter [00:05:26]:
What you doing? Right?

Chi Quita Mack [00:05:29]:
It's my time. He's like, what are you talking about? So I literally had to voice that. Like, listen, I know we're trying to get reintegrated to each other. But I really need those 15 to 20 minutes in the morning because that's when I settle down and my mind is like, okay, I have to do this, this and this. I can listen to myself breathe. I can enjoy my tea. I need that for me. And then also driving to work in the morning, like, I need to listen to my music.

Chi Quita Mack [00:05:54]:
I don't want the phone. Don't call me. I need that quiet. So it's very important to communicate those needs, especially when you're talking about self care. Like, you have to voice that and not be afraid to. Like, I ain't trying to hurt nobody feelings, but this is literally what I need to be saying.

Shanita Crafter [00:06:12]:
Absolutely. And sometimes you really have to monitor who you talk to because some people's energy will have you off. And so you have to have your set routine, like, listen. Yeah, maybe I'm not going to answer that phone call because it's going to throw me off. And so being intentional about who you speak to is so important because people have the habit of dumping on us sometimes, and you're like, this, not even my stuff. How did I get here? And then you feel burnt out. And so I haven't always been this way with self care. I had to hit a brick wall.

Shanita Crafter [00:06:46]:
You know, I had to wake up in the ER and say, how did I get here from just not paying attention to my body? And so it took me to be on the extreme side, to really demand that self care now. And so that is why I teach others how to do that.

Chi Quita Mack [00:07:05]:
And that being extreme part, like, I think I've talked about it, my last couple episodes lately have been, like, how it has to be extreme sometimes, even though we don't want it to be. But sometimes for us to get the point and to listen, it has to be extreme to learn that lesson. And it's crazy because had it not been so extreme, like, from those experiences, you may not necessarily be in the position you are in now, which is helping others, you know, discover their self care journey and their self care patterns and getting them on their way. Had you not gone through those deep experiences.

Shanita Crafter [00:07:39]:
Absolutely.

Chi Quita Mack [00:07:41]:
So I do want to switch a little bit. And talking about the self care. I do want to get into love.

Shanita Crafter [00:07:52]:
Ooh.

Chi Quita Mack [00:07:53]:
And talking about being able to receive love. But I know you have a very interesting love story.

Shanita Crafter [00:08:01]:
Yes.

Chi Quita Mack [00:08:02]:
Yes, girl. So you gotta tell me about this love story and how you made it to be.

Shanita Crafter [00:08:09]:
Well, I have a very unique story. Yeah, I got engaged and then married seven days later. So my story is extremely unique. I love it. My husband and I, we met in the midst of a pandemic. The world was shut down. And I guess we'll have to go back to the beginning of the journey because I manifested him, I prayed, I waited on God for this man, and I love him so much. And I was sitting up in my room one day and I was on the phone with one of my friends, my friend Kim, and we were sitting there and I said to her, girl, I'm about to leave this pandemic with a whole husband.

Shanita Crafter [00:09:02]:
Hi, Cheryl. We out. We inside. We are inside. Where are you going? To find this man. Nothing's open except for the grocery store and the gas station. Like, I don't understand how you're going to do this. I said, listen, listen to me.

Shanita Crafter [00:09:18]:
And I got real close. We was on FaceTime, got real close on the phone. I said, listen, I am leaving this pandemic with a whole husband. And so shortly after, maybe like a few months later, I met my husband. And it was just so amazing because, because the world was shut down, we had so much time to really, like, really build and be intentional about those conversations. So we were on the phone for like, first conversation, an hour, second conversation, 2 hours, third conversation, six and a half hours on the phone. Like, we were, it was daylight outside. Awesome.

Shanita Crafter [00:10:00]:
I just have to, you know, I gotta, you know, ask you out. And so then we went out on a date and the rest was history.

Chi Quita Mack [00:10:09]:
I love it because I feel like those are like the best stories. You guys are going to be made forever.

Shanita Crafter [00:10:15]:
Oh, thank you.

Chi Quita Mack [00:10:18]:
And I just think it's beautiful, the power of manifesting, you know, the power of the mind. How would you, what tips would you give someone as they're trying to manifest, not just as love in their life, but just for better in their lives? They're wanting to get out of their current situation. They're wanting to find love. They're wanting that. How would you teach them to manifest that? How did that work for you?

Shanita Crafter [00:10:45]:
Well, it starts with yourself. I have to do the work. I think I started preparing for my husband way before he even came about. Like, I went to therapy, I did my work, I did my healing. And it starts really with you. When you're asking for this person and what you want in an individual, you have to make sure that you can show up as that very person, because your partner, my friend, always says, your partner is your mirror. And so when you look back at it, what do you want that mirror to reflect? And are you those things? And what things about you that you want your partner to actually look like as well. And so I wrote a list, and I can't share too much because I don't want to give my book away.

Shanita Crafter [00:11:32]:
But I wrote this list, and when I wrote it, it wasn't about, oh, they have to be this and this and this. It was specifically about character and how I wanted him to be in terms of his heart, how he treated me, those things that are important. Those things, because I always tell people, character is something that you can't teach. Well, my friend told me character is something that you can't teach, and I always add, and you can't buy it. And so that's something that always stayed with me on my entire journey of love.

Chi Quita Mack [00:12:03]:
Very much important. Like, for real, I think it's important when we are manifesting, like you said, is to do the work. Part of that work is healing. And I'm so happy you brought up two things, which is the power to heal and also therapy, because, well, as black women are black society, period, it's talked about a little bit more now, but not as much so then and just the stigma that goes around therapy and then healing wise, like, I don't know why people think we just built to just take, take, take, and not take that time to heal. And so before, you know, especially with my clients and what I talk to, like, I get y'all want to do a, b, and c, but we can't even get there till we start healing and we start working on yourself and rediscovery. So I think that is the most important steps. And then understanding that you can do it, like, whatever you put your mind to, you're going to do it if you speak it with the action. Speak plus action equals results, right? Yes.

Chi Quita Mack [00:13:08]:
We got to do the work. We can say it all day, but if we say it and we just, like, why are they happening? Because you're not doing nothing. Like, you can say it.

Shanita Crafter [00:13:15]:
Absolutely.

Chi Quita Mack [00:13:18]:
All those things go hand in hand when manifesting. So I just believe the power is there, and the fact that you did the work definitely paid a difference in that.

Shanita Crafter [00:13:32]:
Thank you.

Chi Quita Mack [00:13:33]:
Absolutely. What would you say to the one person who is having a hard time receiving that love that they're asking for? I know we talked about healing, but what advice would you give them when they just can't seem to break that wall to receive?

Shanita Crafter [00:13:58]:
I would say give yourself grace. Take your time, go to therapy, continue to pour love into yourself, because the more you pour love into yourself, the more you know how much love that you deserve. And how that each love is not going to be the same. And as you heal, you learn not to allow someone new to pay for somebody else's mistakes and that they're not that person. And so sometimes we carry our trauma from our past, and we don't want that to interfere with our future, because if we're speaking things and we're speaking positive things, you have to remember that good things are going to come right back to us. And so it's so important to be gentle, be honest, and give yourself grace.

Chi Quita Mack [00:14:52]:
Give yourself grace, and just understand your worth. I'll add to that. Understanding your worth is so important. I know sometimes we can try to make excuses for the things, the bad things, you know, like, oh, no, I'm supposed to get that. Or that's because I did this, this and this in my past, but that's not true. And so it's important to also, you know, yeah. Give yourself grace and understand your worth.

Shanita Crafter [00:15:23]:
Absolutely. Because you deserve it. Absolutely.

Chi Quita Mack [00:15:27]:
We deserve all the things, y'all. All the things. So I want to talk to you about being an author.

Shanita Crafter [00:15:41]:
Aw.

Chi Quita Mack [00:15:42]:
And before we jump into your books, I do want to talk a little bit about that. What inspired you to become a writer?

Shanita Crafter [00:15:52]:
I always liked to write, but because my story was so unique, I wanted to write and talk about love from a different perspective. And not just about what we hear all around us sometimes, but actually about doing the work on ourselves and loving ourselves and knowing our work, just like you said. And so, as I wrote this book, I just wanted to encourage others that you don't have to settle on love. You can have the love exactly how you deserve it. And so I was so, so excited about writing this book because I just wanted to. To just kind of, like, share my heart, share my vulnerability, and share that with God. Anything is possible. Anything is possible.

Shanita Crafter [00:16:45]:
Because when you do that work, that work will show up for you. And so that's what inspired me to do, become an author. And I always knew that when you write and you leave and you have a book, you leave this legacy for yourself, that people that, I mean, hundreds and thousands of years later, they can read this book, that, you know, my legacy in the future, they can read this book, and words represent you when. When you can't be here. And so that's what made me want to become an author.

Chi Quita Mack [00:17:24]:
And you are definitely doing that. Like, you're leaving a little bit of yourself into each person that reads it, and you're helping them. You're helping them, and you're showing them that it is possible to find love. It's possible to connect and really build these relationships.

Shanita Crafter [00:17:41]:
Thank you.

Chi Quita Mack [00:17:43]:
So let's talk about the book. You got to share all of it.

Shanita Crafter [00:17:45]:
Okay.

Chi Quita Mack [00:17:46]:
Seven steps to manifest in love. You deserve it, right?

Shanita Crafter [00:17:51]:
Oh, here's my book. Yes.

Chi Quita Mack [00:17:54]:
Yes.

Shanita Crafter [00:17:57]:
I'm so excited about this book. I'm not sure if you guys can see it, but I'm super excited about it. I don't know if you mind, can I share a little snippet from the book?

Chi Quita Mack [00:18:09]:
Please do. Please.

Shanita Crafter [00:18:11]:
All right, so I'm going to share a little bit from chapter. This is chapter three. One of the steps is be intentional while you wait. And so it's called never convinced. Convincing never works. Never try to convince a man to do something that he does not want to do. For instance, if he says he doesn't want kids, believe him. If he says he doesn't want to get married, believe him.

Shanita Crafter [00:18:42]:
Theres nothing you can do to change his mind. And if it appears as if he wants to change his mind, its just temporary. Do you really want to convince someone to want the same things in life as you? No. You really want someone to be just as invested as you are pertaining to sharing your dreams and your goals. Dreams are created in your mind, but it is the discipline that helps you obtain the goals. Sometimes we have to write things down and also speak them out loud. To ingrain them in our minds, inscribe them in our hearts. Words are powerful.

Shanita Crafter [00:19:19]:
Whatever we speak will come to life. I hear people joke around all the time saying, oh girl, I'm never going to get married or there's never going to be a man out there for me. That is not true. If you speak those things, that is all you are going to attract. Whatever your mind pays attention to, your eyes and your whole being will follow. If you start focusing on love and the healthy things about it, it will begin to show up more in your life. The more you focus on it, the more you are going to start walking every day as if it already happened. That's a snippet from my book.

Chi Quita Mack [00:20:03]:
And that's true. Listen, that convincing part, that chapter, that chapter right there. How many times do you hear that? Seriously, like, oh, I'm just going to give him some time, I'm going to try to do this. I'm going to work my way to make him want this and the truth yet no, he already told you. And then when they get burnt, they're like, what? I don't know how this happened. And the truth be told is he already told you already told you.

Shanita Crafter [00:20:33]:
So when people say what they want, it's so important that we understand. They know what they want is their life, and there's nothing that we could do to convince them otherwise. And I don't want to be in a relationship where I have to convince someone. And I've had that part of my journey, too.

Chi Quita Mack [00:20:53]:
Yeah.

Shanita Crafter [00:20:54]:
And when people, we have to understand that when some people, we walk in, they walk into our lives, sometimes they're there to just teach us something or prepare us for learning how to receive love. So if I hadn't dated some of the people that I've dated in the past, it would have never made me open enough to really receive my husband. And so I thank God for the journey along the way because it's so important.

Chi Quita Mack [00:21:17]:
Absolutely. Like, seriously, y'all better listen. I don't know how many times I gotta tell you have to listen. I think one of the things I think about is myself in learning how to speak up for myself and really finding my voice. Because the opposite of that is this kind of like going with the flow because you don't really want to argue. You know what I mean? Like, you just like the. Yes. Yeah.

Chi Quita Mack [00:21:47]:
Okay. But you don't feel. You don't feel it inside. And so that's like the opposite of that. But that used to be me. Like, well, I don't really want competition, and I really don't want to do that. So I'm just gonna say yes until it builds up and then I explode. And they're like, well, why did you.

Chi Quita Mack [00:22:04]:
Why did you never said that. You know? And then it comes to, well, you should have known, which is not true. Right. No one can read your mind. No one's a mind reader. But just the importance of finding your voice. So it's like active listening and then finding your voice.

Shanita Crafter [00:22:17]:
Absolutely. And full transparency. I'm going to be so honest with you. Sometimes we have to walk away from a situation that may have been right for us, but it's not the person that God designed for us. I had an amazing relationship, but God said, this is not your husband. So I had to walk away. And it takes courage to walk away, even when it's good. But you wanna be obedient.

Shanita Crafter [00:22:44]:
If that wasn't the person that God designed specifically for you, you gotta go in prayer.

Chi Quita Mack [00:22:51]:
Yeah. Faith. Trust.

Shanita Crafter [00:22:54]:
Absolutely.

Chi Quita Mack [00:22:55]:
Trust in him. For sure. For sure. I'm gonna ask you a question.

Shanita Crafter [00:23:01]:
Yeah.

Chi Quita Mack [00:23:02]:
All right. In your experience as the relationship builder, what are some common misconceptions or challenges people face when it comes to building in maintaining these healthy relationships.

Shanita Crafter [00:23:15]:
In terms of building relationships, I would say in the very beginning saying that some people are all the same, being able to identify what works for them and what doesn't work for them, and also trying not to self sabotage. So when it does show up that it does, it's not one of those things where, oh, this is just too good to be true. And I think another thing is learning how to excuse. Not excuse, but shut out those voices that could come from your friends because I tell people or your whoever that may be in your circle, because people can only give you advice from where they last healed from. And so it's so important to check in with yourself and know what works for you. So I think those have been the biggest challenges.

Chi Quita Mack [00:24:12]:
I think that community part hits hard and understanding your environment, because it's hard to shut out those that I guess you hang around with the most or you care about the most. But not everybody has your best interests at heart. And I think that's the hardest thing. Like, when you start growing, you start on your healing journey and you're trying to build relationships, and you're right, they can only speak on what they know. Be in the same place that you're in, and what you receive from them may not be necessarily what you want to hear. And it could be very negative. So it's just hard to, like, really separate the two. Like, is this coming from the heart? Is this coming from a place of hurt because they're hurt and do they have my best interest? And then knowing as you continue to grow, when to let certain people go, I think that's, like, the hardest part, I always say of growth, like, when you really, you really know when you're growing and you're getting there is when people start falling off.

Shanita Crafter [00:25:17]:
Absolutely.

Chi Quita Mack [00:25:18]:
So that can be a good thing and a challenge at the same time.

Shanita Crafter [00:25:23]:
Yeah.

Chi Quita Mack [00:25:25]:
And that's uncomfortable, but growth comes with being uncomfortable. So, again, here we are. We're like, I don't know what to do.

Shanita Crafter [00:25:32]:
Absolutely.

Chi Quita Mack [00:25:33]:
You know, do I stay here where I'm comfortable or do I continue growing where I am uncomfortable? And I know that this is ultimately where I want to be. And then I'm looking back, like, I would love for you guys to come with me, but I just really got to get here. Like, I just really have to keep pushing.

Shanita Crafter [00:25:51]:
And so you can't take people places that they don't want to go and they don't understand to come with you.

Chi Quita Mack [00:25:59]:
It's important to know that, like, not everybody can come to a party. We want y'all to come. We want you to come. But you can't come. You can't. And not everyone's gonna always understand what you're doing either. Like, they're like, congratulations, girl. But they don't really get it, right.

Shanita Crafter [00:26:18]:
Cause you were given an assignment. It wasn't for everyone else to understand that part. Our own special assignment with our own special sprinkle, our own spin on it. And no one can do it like you do. No one could do this podcast like you can because it was Matt for you.

Chi Quita Mack [00:26:38]:
Absolutely nobody can write that book like you can, girl, because that's your story.

Shanita Crafter [00:26:42]:
Thank you.

Chi Quita Mack [00:26:45]:
And you're helping so many people.

Shanita Crafter [00:26:48]:
Oh, thank you.

Chi Quita Mack [00:26:50]:
I'm so happy that we've connected and just talking about the power of just connection and relationships and building. Like, I just think it's so important. And so I am always honored to have you just here, you know, sharing that part of your story with us. Like, seriously, thank you.

Shanita Crafter [00:27:08]:
I'm so happy to be here today.

Chi Quita Mack [00:27:12]:
Where can the audience find your book?

Shanita Crafter [00:27:16]:
They could find it on sparklemyway.org and just order it. I'm telling you, get excited about it. If you or anyone you know, want to manifest the love that you deserve, just try to book out just a few tips in the book and see how it works out because you deserve it. You deserve this love. You deserve it. And I have a special treat for everyone if they go to my website on your platform.

Chi Quita Mack [00:27:47]:
Oh, what is it?

Shanita Crafter [00:27:48]:
A free masterclass. A free masterclass on manifesting the love that you deserve. So check that out. It's all on the website, sparklemyway.org dot.

Chi Quita Mack [00:28:03]:
Oh, that's so awesome, y'all. Check it out. Get the book. Free masterclass. Join her community. Like, you do not want to miss this opportunity. And where can they find you on social media?

Shanita Crafter [00:28:16]:
You can go to Empress Shan five, and that's Empress Shan five on Instagram.

Chi Quita Mack [00:28:23]:
Okay, perfect.

Shanita Crafter [00:28:25]:
Yay. I'm so excited.

Chi Quita Mack [00:28:28]:
Listen, everything I will have linked in the show notes, and so it'll be easy for everyone to just click and be on your way. So I am very, very, very excited.

Shanita Crafter [00:28:40]:
Thank you. Yeah.

Chi Quita Mack [00:28:42]:
So I want to thank you so much for joining the beauty and you podcast again. And you guys, until next time, thank.

Shanita Crafter [00:28:50]:
You so much for having me.

Chi Quita Mack [00:28:52]:
Absolutely.

Jacqueline G. [00:28:53]:
Thank you for joining us on this week's episode of the Beauty and you podcast. Don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe. Visit us@thechiquitamac.com or join us on Instagram. At the chiquitamack for your daily motivation and inspiration. Tell a friend to tell a friend. Until next time.