Finding Resilience: Sybil Jones' Story of Healing and Hope

In " The Beauty In You" we have the extraordinary Sybil Jones joining us. A beacon of hope and strength, Sybil will be sharing her remarkable journey of bouncing back after a severe ischemic stroke that turned her life upside down. With no previous warnings, she faced daunting challenges in her path to recovery, both physically and emotionally. But through her struggles, Sybil found her true calling, which is to uplift and empower others facing similar battles.

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To work with Sybil Jones: milspouseconversations.com

                                                          stroketalks.com

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To work with Chi Quita Mack: https://www.thechiquitamack.com/thehealingsocial

To Join Chi Quita Mack’s Free Self Love Masterclass:  https://www.thechiquitamack.com/webinar-page

To Purchase The Beauty in You Workbook:

 https://www.thechiquitamack.com/shop-tcm/p/the-beauty-in-you-a-guide-created-to-help-you-discover-the-best-version-of-you

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Follow on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thechiquitamack 

Chapters

• 7:40 Extended hospital stay due to health complications
• 16:20 Independence lost, grappling with identity after stroke
• 27:01 Overcoming mental health struggles to empower others
• 38:50 Embrace authenticity, keep inspiring in tough times.
• 44:41 Allow time and space to process emotions
• 49:43 Rediscovering self: crucial for personal growth
• 1:01:10 Creating safe space for mental health support

Transcript

Jacqueline G. [00:00:01]:
Welcome to the Beauty and you podcast, a safe place created for all women to come relax, get inspired, and be constantly reminded that they have not lost the ability to be who they once were. Join us as we dive into the true meaning of rediscovery through inspiring guests and topics such as healing, self love, and creating a positive mindset. So sit back, relax, and get comfortable as we dive into to this week's episode. Here's your host, Chi Quita Mack.

Chi Quita Mack [00:00:29]:
Hey, y'all. Welcome back to another episode of the Beauty in you podcast. I am so excited for this, you guys. I have been waiting. You're about to be motivated and inspired once you hear this wonderful story that we are about to share today. Our guest is the owner of mill spouse conversations in mamas and coffee. She is a stroke warrior and demonstrates a tremendous amount of resilience and determination. She is the life of every party and brings joy, wisdom, and humor into each and every person that she meets.

Chi Quita Mack [00:01:06]:
Welcome to the beauty in you podcast. Sybil Jones. How are you?

Sybil Jones [00:01:11]:
I am great, girl. It is Saturday. I'm sitting here, and it's a beautiful day here in Bahrain, so I'm going out to the beach after.

Chi Quita Mack [00:01:25]:
We. Yes, we are all the way in Bahrain, so we had to make this time difference thing work out. I was struggling. I was like, calculate the one, pastor. Okay, did I get the time right? But I got it together. I got it together. I am so fascinated by your journey. I follow you on social media.

Chi Quita Mack [00:01:46]:
That's how we're connected. And I just felt like your story was just so inspirational. So inspirational and so inspiring. I want you to walk me through your rediscovery journey. If you could start with your stroke, because you are a stroke warrior, and I just think that is a great place to start. But can you walk me through that journey and your journey to rediscovery?

Sybil Jones [00:02:12]:
All right. So, yes, I am a stroke warrior. I had a severe ischemic stroke on April 17 of 2021. Was a Saturday, and with today been a Saturday. Saturdays are really hard for me. They are really hard. But that Particular Saturday, it was a normal everyday Saturday for me. Woke up, fussed at my three kids, tell them to clean the house, took my middle daughter.

Sybil Jones [00:02:43]:
She rides horses, so she had a riding lesson that day. Took her to the barn, was out there for about three to 4 hours. Felt fine, went home, took a shower. It was my husband's farewell party, my husband's active duty navy, and we were preparing to move to San Diego from northern Virginia at that time. So got dressed, was all cute, looking good, feeling good. And his farewell party was at a brewery in northern Virginia. Felt fine. We ate, we laughed, talked.

Sybil Jones [00:03:21]:
I did have a beer. And as the evening went, actually, it all happened suddenly. I just felt drunk and I couldn't see anything. And my husband was sitting at one end of the table, and I was at another end because I'm a talker. So I was running my mouth there. The gentleman next to me, they told me this after the fact that he noticed that my speech began to slur. My husband said he looked down at the end of the table, and I just had this blank stare. Immediately they ran down, got him to come up to where I was sitting, and he noticed the full facial droop.

Sybil Jones [00:04:03]:
So my entire left side of my face was droop. Signs of stroke. This was all within a matter of seconds, and I collapsed. I have no recollection of this. They did call 911, got me to Anova Fairfax. They immediately knew it was a stroke. They gave me a clot buster to break up the clot. It didn't work.

Sybil Jones [00:04:27]:
So they transported me to their trauma hospital. And my husband had to make that decision what to do. And the procedure they did, it's still fairly new, so medical wise, they're like, well, the survival rate, it's. But my husband made the decision, and I'm here today. Thank you, dear. Thank you. But I tell him that his party must have been boring. I was like, dude, did I need to bring some joy to this party? I took a little too far that night, though.

Sybil Jones [00:05:07]:
I'm sorry, my bad. But my stroke was due to a rare cause. And so I now have a stent in my right carotid artery, right side of my neck. But I had none of the commonly known risk factors of a stroke. Again, rare cause. But I was in the hospital. I was in the ICU stroke unit. I went through speech therapy, physical therapy, occupational therapy.

Sybil Jones [00:05:36]:
My children, very humbling. My children were taking care of me, and that was hard. And I'm not going to cry because, like I said, Saturdays are still hard, because it was a normal, typical Saturday. We had pictures that I've looked at numerous of times, picture of me and my husband just maybe an hour before my stroke. But I'm here today to talk about it and share, and I'm really working to bring awareness to stroke, especially that rare cause, but also the signs of stroke, because they could have easily chalked it up to me. Been drunk.

Chi Quita Mack [00:06:23]:
Yeah.

Sybil Jones [00:06:24]:
Oh, I'm a navy style fort. A farewell party. Oh, she's drunk. She's drunk? Nah, man. Yeah. Walking. Just living is hard. Couldn't drive.

Sybil Jones [00:06:45]:
I couldn't drive.

Chi Quita Mack [00:06:47]:
Wow.

Sybil Jones [00:06:48]:
So all my independence was gone, and I was riding with my, at that time, 16 year old, 1716. She was 16. I want to ride with you.

Chi Quita Mack [00:07:01]:
I want to do it myself.

Sybil Jones [00:07:03]:
Yeah. But I was also like, you make me nervous.

Chi Quita Mack [00:07:06]:
Yeah, you just got this thing. Wow. How long was your recovery period?

Sybil Jones [00:07:15]:
So I was in the hospital for a week.

Chi Quita Mack [00:07:20]:
Okay.

Sybil Jones [00:07:21]:
They did release me because my stroke wasn't health related.

Chi Quita Mack [00:07:25]:
Okay.

Sybil Jones [00:07:26]:
So they did release me, but I did continue outpatient physical therapy, occupational therapy, and speech therapy. But I went back in the hospital for a one day procedure for the stent placement.

Chi Quita Mack [00:07:39]:
Okay.

Sybil Jones [00:07:40]:
But then I ended up staying for a week because Sybil can't be simple with anything. I always have to cause drama. My blood pressure plummeted, and they couldn't stabilize me, so I had to stay in for an additional week and a couple of days, but that was out. They did move our pcs back. The navy worked with us on that. I did pcs to San Diego, in which I then continued my physical therapy and occupational therapy, and I still wasn't able to drive, and I saved my recovery. I am still recovering now, and it'll be three years in April. But I'm now on the mental health side of it, which, again, is an area that I think within the stroke community, people don't realize.

Sybil Jones [00:08:40]:
Right. You're looking for the physical scars of stroke, but there is a mental health side of it, and that has been my achilles heel right there.

Chi Quita Mack [00:08:50]:
Yeah. With anybody. I think mental health is not easy. Once you start digging, once you get into the therapy side, or there's the words mental health, I think there's a stigma around it. So definitely bringing awareness to mental health overall and that you're doing it, I think it's good.

Sybil Jones [00:09:13]:
And I fought therapy. I did not want to seek therapy. My husband, he was like, no, you need to seek therapy. You need help. And I tell people, and I'm very open about it, I do take medication for my mental health to just balance myself. And when I share that with people, they're really shocked. They're like, but, no, I'm like, yeah, things change. Things did change for me mentally after my stroke, and I'm okay with saying, yeah, I need to seek help.

Chi Quita Mack [00:09:55]:
It's important, but that's strength in that. And for me, I had a therapist, too, and I still seek it when I need it, just not as much right now. But in the beginning of my rediscovery journey, I fought therapy, too, due to I'm the strong one. And somehow I stuck seeking help to not being as strong anymore. When reality, it just adds to my character of saying, like, hey, I realized that I need someone to talk this through. I need someone to help me through my depression. I need someone to help me through my anxiety. What is this thing I'm feeling every day? Like, what is going on? Or, why am I in this hole? I don't even know what's happening right now.

Chi Quita Mack [00:10:41]:
And then I put on the mom face, which is just smiling, and I'm not even feeling that for real. Go get help. Go see it. I'll tell you in a heartbeat to go do what you got to do. But for me, it just took a little bit more time because I am the one that everybody comes to. So I'm a big mental health advocate. Yes. If you need help, seek help, need somebody to talk to, please go talk to somebody.

Chi Quita Mack [00:11:07]:
If you have to take medication, take it. In our community, and I mean our community, it is more difficult to admit those things. Child, you don't need no medicine. What are you talking to them folks for? What you telling your business for? Right? Those are some of the things I've heard growing up. And it's like, everybody at that table probably should have been in somebody's couch.

Sybil Jones [00:11:28]:
Yes. People would tell me, well, you just need to get over it. You just need. And I'm like, no, I don't just need to do anything. I need to sit and feel, because I was the same, right? I mastered the smile and nod. Smile and nod. Okay. And I've always been a very social individual.

Sybil Jones [00:11:55]:
I love talking. I say talking saved my life. But anxiety, I didn't know what anxiety was before. My thought of anxiety was, oh, you're nervous about a test or nervous about speaking? No.

Chi Quita Mack [00:12:13]:
A whole nother level.

Sybil Jones [00:12:14]:
It crippled me, girl. I would not leave my house. I did not want to leave my home. I would not talk to people, which for my husband was like, because I was always, let's go. Let's do this. I wouldn't do anything. My mood, I will tell you, my husband's final draw was, you are the first person that I told this to.

Chi Quita Mack [00:12:43]:
Oh, wow.

Sybil Jones [00:12:44]:
Really? Because I'm thinking about it as I'm telling you. But this was his final draw with me. I just had this uncontrollable outburst one day, which I've always been the yeller of the house. I'm the mom. Like, no. What are you all doing? Sit down. My kids are teenagers, but you still yelling at them. I got you this particular day, and it was an out of body experience for me.

Sybil Jones [00:13:10]:
Like, I could see myself, but I couldn't stop my actions. And I cleared our kitchen counter, my computer. We had some plates from breakfast that were on the table. I had a bowl of ice cream. And again, I saw myself doing it, but I couldn't stop myself. And let's just say we were cleaning the walls and cleaning up glass because I threw the bowl. Ice cream everywhere. Glass everywhere from the dishes.

Sybil Jones [00:13:46]:
Had to get a new laptop. And my husband was like, you are irrational right now. And he could not calm me down. He's like this, you not wanting to go anywhere. And I would just sit in the room all day long, all day. And he was like, no more. No more. But during that time, and I do remember this, during this time, I was having some extreme, intrusive thoughts that I was beginning to act upon.

Sybil Jones [00:14:20]:
Again, I can talk about this now, and I'm chuckling about it, but it hurts my heart to say, but I think people need to hear that because again, as you were saying, you always see me being. But that was the dark side that was happening to see me out, because I'm like, yeah, let me just smile and nod. But my poor husband and children, they were getting hell in the house.

Chi Quita Mack [00:14:48]:
Yeah, but people don't see. And as we were talking before, that's why it's important to just always check on your people and ask them those real important questions. How are you feeling? How are you truly feeling? How are you handling it? How are you processing everything? That's one of my main things, is like, no. Are you processing your feelings because you have to process. I got really big into journaling. I like writing anyways, but just actually journaling my thoughts at the moment, what do I feel? Not like I kind of feel sad, but I kind of feel mad. No, I'm mad and I'm sad and I'm angry and I'm hurt. Like, just being open to say that, but writing it down and then processing all those.

Chi Quita Mack [00:15:34]:
Okay, why do you feel this way? All that made such a big difference in my journey, and I keep all my journals. I said, it's going to be my lifetime movie one day because it's so much in there, but I keep them because I like to go back at them and say, oh, my God, girl journal number three, you were stripping. He was really going through, but look at where you are now. And it really shows that strength and that progress, and I think it's important. And I want to thank you for being very open and sharing that part of your journey with me, because you don't have to do that. But I do know SOmeone hearing your story and understanding that, hey, stroke is not only physical, but it is mental, and you have to nurture both. You're starting all over. You're learning how to talk again, how to walk again.

Chi Quita Mack [00:16:20]:
You had some of your independence taken away, and you have to now depend on others when in your mind you're probably like, no, my babies are taking care of me, but I'm supposed to be taking care of them. It's not supposed to be like this right now. The circle of life and then just trying to get back to the woman you felt that you were before the stroke. You're like, God, I'm not the same. I'm very outgoing, and that's a lot to process mentally. And that's where that mental health part comes into place. Like, you're battling so much in your mind, and you still want to hold everything together, but YoU kind of can't. So the things you can't control, you no Longer have control over.

Chi Quita Mack [00:16:56]:
So I just want to say thank you again for sharing that part of your journey.

Sybil Jones [00:17:02]:
And I tell people, looking at me physically, you would never know. But I'm like, you know what? Because we had an ongoing joke in our house for a little bit, because my sensation on my left side, I have none. So walking. So it's like, oh, yeah, okay, my foot is touching the ground, right? But we had an ongoing joke about, dishes were broken. Oh, mommy was trying to pick it up with her left hand again because I wouldn't feel it. But now I have just kind of worked on it and trained myself to know you have something in your left hand. You're fine. I feel like I have a slur still.

Sybil Jones [00:17:45]:
My tongue. Yeah. And that was part of my fear of talking, just talking to people because I heard a slur. I used to have long pauses in my conversations because just the processing, like, okay, the words are here, but they got to come out. But my tongue feels like it weighs a ton. Talking to you right now, I'm like, but I record myself all the time. All the time. You sound great.

Sybil Jones [00:18:13]:
And I'm like, no, you're fine, sybil. You're fine.

Chi Quita Mack [00:18:18]:
You're fine. You sound great. And I don't hear a slur at all. At all.

Sybil Jones [00:18:25]:
Sometimes I'm like, oh. Because my day, and this goes with the rediscovery, too, I had to learn who I was again. I had to get to know Sybil, just everything of how I felt, how I process things. Because my processing is off too, right? Like, just processing. Oh, well, why are you treating me this way? Oh, things that never bothered me before. Comments. Now I'm like, okay, wait a minute. Something in the brain has rewired itself.

Sybil Jones [00:19:00]:
So it's like, okay, step back, please. Do not yell at anyone. They didn't mean to cut you off. They didn't mean to. They're just having a casual conversation with you, but you're interpreting what they're saying negatively. That's not what they're doing. And so I'm retraining myself to be like, no, step back. Don't pop off on that stranger.

Sybil Jones [00:19:32]:
Or even loved ones. I would have outbursts with a friend of mine. I cussed her up one end and down the other, and she was like, I knew it wasn't you. That was not Sybil. That's not the Sybil I knew. So she let me be. But she told me when we see each other again, she won't beat me up. She like.

Chi Quita Mack [00:19:54]:
Girl, you got a freebie. But no, you.

Sybil Jones [00:19:57]:
Okay, now I'm about to slap you.

Chi Quita Mack [00:20:00]:
No. It's good to have those that you can be your authentic self with and know when something's off. I'm really good at responding. I try to always respond. Even if you call me and I can't answer right now, you say, I'll call you right back. I don't know why I'm listening, but if I don't do that, when I don't, they're like, okay, something's wrong. Something's wrong with Keto. What's going on with Keto? Because she did not respond.

Chi Quita Mack [00:20:27]:
Girl, we knew something was off, but they normally give me to the next morning. If I don't respond by then, they're like, what's going on? Because that's what I always do. I'm a very routine person, but I appreciate those that know me to that level, because when I was at my darkest moments, I needed that. I needed that. Like, girl, you're not answering your phone. You're not talking to anybody. You're not like, what's going on? Because I lost myself. And extreme, like, depression was really scary for me because it was new, right? You read about it, you take a test on it, get certified, talk about it, but when you go through it, you're just like one, really.

Chi Quita Mack [00:21:09]:
This is what I'm going through. But it was just a very scary time. So I'm very thankful for those that know us. Very.

Sybil Jones [00:21:19]:
Thankful. Something's not. Oh. Because I had a friend in San Diego. We met in San Diego, and she's like, hey, let's go off the coffee. I'm like, and we went a couple of times, but then there were a few times that she would ask me, and I would, no, I don't feel like it. No, I don't feel like now. She didn't know me well, but she knew my story.

Sybil Jones [00:21:44]:
So she's like, I'm coming to your house, and I'm going to pick you up, and we're going out to lunch. No, I don't want to go out to lunch with you today. But she's like, something's wrong. Something is wrong with you. Let's go. And just talking to people, right. It energizes your soul.

Chi Quita Mack [00:22:04]:
It does. So I want to talk about what motivates you, what motivates you, because you don't always feel like it. We don't always feel like getting up every morning and continuing to motivate others, especially with the couple of businesses that you do have. What motivates you in life?

Sybil Jones [00:22:27]:
That's a good question. Oh, see, you stumped me on that one. I would have to say life, life itself motivates me. So I have breath, get up, and do God's work. That is what motivates me. It really does. I grew up in the church, and one thing that I think about a lot is my granny. My grandmother passed August of 2020.

Sybil Jones [00:23:07]:
She was 98 years old. Wow. And I say, that's why God kept me on earth, because he was like, ms. Roddy, say, don't bring her up here. Leave. I haven't been up here long enough, and she won't come up here talking. I need peace. I need peace.

Sybil Jones [00:23:32]:
But knowing that I am here, knowing that I am alive, that's what motivates me every day to get up and to do what I do. And there are days I don't feel like it. That is very true. But it's like, you know what, Sybil? You are blessed to be here, so get your booty up and you don't have to do anything. Maybe it's as simple as you get up, and I have a dog, so walk the dog. But my motivation being alive, and I walk out the door and it's hello. Just a simple hello to a stranger or to one of my neighbors and seeing their happiness. So I think seeing other people happy and blessing other people is what motivates me to continue doing day to day.

Chi Quita Mack [00:24:21]:
You definitely bring the motivation you do, and I love that life motivates you. I don't feel like it half time. I don't feel like doing nothing. I try to be intentional about my actions, have intentional goals, and be intentional about what I'm doing, because I know that if I can just inspire or impact one person a day, then my job is good. I feel good. I feel like I have accomplished what I set out to accomplish. I also feel that the Lord did not just put me through all of this craziness for nothing. So there's lessons that I've learned, and with everything that I've learned and all my experiences, I'm supposed to do something with that.

Chi Quita Mack [00:25:06]:
So this is it. I didn't go through this for nothing.

Sybil Jones [00:25:12]:
Amen. Amen. And I say that, too, because my grandmother, I just remember her always talking about, everyone has a gift, and when you don't use your gift, God will snatch your gift. And I'm like, well, okay. And in 21, I said, so, like with mill spouse conversations, I have avoided being in the military spouse space for years. I've been married to my sailor for 21 years. Yeah, I'm old. I'm seasoned.

Chi Quita Mack [00:25:49]:
You look good, boo.

Sybil Jones [00:25:54]:
And thank, girl. Thank you, girl. All right. As a few people have asked me, oh, is that your sister? This is one with my kids. And they're like, no, that's my mom. Why you got to say like that?

Chi Quita Mack [00:26:08]:
Shoot.

Sybil Jones [00:26:10]:
But I avoided the mill spouse space. I loved attending events, all of that. And I would have other military spouses say, hey, why don't you bring your energy to the mill spouse community? I'm like, nah, that's not what I do. So I'm over here doing my thing, and I say that God set me down in 21 because he's like, you know what? I have given you a voice. I have given you that gift, and you keep running. You are disobedient. So I'm going to pop you upside your head and make you sit down and focus and do my work. Because again, I'm like, no, I don't.

Sybil Jones [00:27:01]:
And over the course of the years, now three years, I'm like, okay, let me show up and let me do what I do. But I will tell you, I started out strong, and then the mental health side got a hold of me and that fear, and I sat down, and I really felt worse when I wasn't doing anything. And I think now that I'm actually doing what I'm supposed to do, which is inspiring and empowering people through just my life, just talking about random things because, you know, girl, I'm random. I talk about everything. Everything. I ain't scared.

Chi Quita Mack [00:27:49]:
Don't be scared, girl. Tell your story.

Sybil Jones [00:27:54]:
I talk about mom life. I talk about pooping. We all poop. But through all of those, just those random conversations, I feel like I have inspired and blessed so many people because people, I think I have the gift of gab and transparency and not afraid of being transparent or vulnerable. Just talking about random things as I'm rambling on right now, because right now, I feel like I'm just.

Chi Quita Mack [00:28:31]:
Listen. Don't feel like everyone that comes onto the podcast feels like that. They're like, did I say too much?

Sybil Jones [00:28:37]:
I'm like, no, you're fine.

Chi Quita Mack [00:28:38]:
You're supposed to be here. We're talking. This is what we're doing. We're in a safe place. You're talking.

Sybil Jones [00:28:42]:
You're fine.

Chi Quita Mack [00:28:42]:
You're fine. You're not rambling at all.

Sybil Jones [00:28:46]:
Okay. I mean, I am a master rambler.

Chi Quita Mack [00:28:50]:
Give you that reassurance there. You're doing a great job. It's funny when you talk about the military spouse community because I'm dual, right? So I'm military spouse, but I'm also a soldier. But I don't go to nothing unless I have to. And I know. And with the military spouse community, I think I still do. I avoid it because for me, I don't feel I can relate sometimes. So when military spouse is talking about the soldier work and leaving, well, I have to, too, sometimes.

Chi Quita Mack [00:29:30]:
And I have to leave my kids, too. And we switch off. I got to go here. So I felt judged in that community because I am also the soldier. So I can also relate to where your husband coming from, too. So it was difficult for me to find my comfort in that. So I just don't go. I just avoid it.

Chi Quita Mack [00:29:54]:
I don't do that. So I just know I'm a soldier. I'm a military spouse. But no, I'm not going to go do that. And if I do go to an event, it's not as the military spouse, it's as major Mac. So I will go as my uniform self and talk to your spouse in that uniformed way, but never on the other side, as I am the spouse with the rank off.

Sybil Jones [00:30:16]:
So are both you and your husband army?

Chi Quita Mack [00:30:19]:
Yeah, we're both army officers.

Sybil Jones [00:30:21]:
Okay. I was like, wait a minute. I was like, are you dual army?

Chi Quita Mack [00:30:26]:
We're dual army. He's a captain. I'm a major.

Sybil Jones [00:30:30]:
See, look, I'm like, let me think. We're navy.

Chi Quita Mack [00:30:34]:
Yeah. Not the same. So your husband is what, a Colonel bullbird?

Sybil Jones [00:30:40]:
Yes. We say captain.

Chi Quita Mack [00:30:47]:
Equivalent. Yeah, there we go. We're good. Yeah. So your husband. A big dog.

Sybil Jones [00:30:53]:
But you know what's funny? This is something that I find funny. I'm going to say this right.

Chi Quita Mack [00:31:02]:
Yeah.

Sybil Jones [00:31:03]:
Most people, when they meet me, most spouses, when they meet me, they don't connect that I am an officer spouse, which is perfectly fine with me because I'm like, look, I'm Sybil, my husband. What my husband does is what my husband. Because when you meet me, chi. I'm Sybil Jones. I am not Captain Jones's wife. I'm Sybil Jones. He's my husband.

Chi Quita Mack [00:31:31]:
There. You.

Sybil Jones [00:31:36]:
I. So for me, I love military events. I love the military lifestyle because I just love moving people. But being in the space was really hard for me because, again, I'm like, I am me. I'm not showing up as my husband's wife. Like, my identity. This is who I am. But that goes along with the whole inspiration and empowerment that I bring, and that's what I do in everything I do in everyday life and in business.

Sybil Jones [00:32:15]:
It's all about inspiring you to be who you are. Who are you? Shoot. I want to know you. I don't care who your husband is. I don't care who your active duty spouse is. Are you? Because when you start telling me about your spouse, that's active duty. I'm like, this is what I would say to you if you were telling me about your husband. I meet you and you're telling me, and you're a spouse.

Sybil Jones [00:32:41]:
You tell me about your husband. I'm like, hey, hold on. Are you trying to hook us up? I only know about your husband. Tell me about you. Let's get to know one another. You tell me about who your husband is and what he does. I don't care.

Chi Quita Mack [00:32:58]:
Yeah, I don't care. I'm the worst. So my husband is the talker. He talks to everybody. I don't, and I don't care. And I say that because when we do go to the military events, like, ma'am, where do you want to be stationed next? Ma'am? I don't want to talk army. I don't care. I just don't want to talk about it.

Chi Quita Mack [00:33:22]:
And I know we're in a military environment, but I'm tired. I've been seeing you all day, and then you still want to talk work, and then it's like, oh, well, do you think. What positions do you all have over there? I don't want to hire you. I don't care. I don't care. I don't. And it's just because I'm just tired. I put on a uniform, and that's the uniform that I'm in for the day.

Chi Quita Mack [00:33:46]:
But, yeah, that's not who. I don't. I don't care. You go talk to Charles. He over there. He'll talk to you all day. He will talk to you about everything that you want to talk about. Army, I don't want to talk about.

Sybil Jones [00:33:57]:
Because that's me as the spouse, too. Because everyone. It's funny because everyone's like, oh, mill spouse conversations. You're talking about milk. No, we're not. We'll talk about it some, but we're also talking about everyday life.

Chi Quita Mack [00:34:14]:
Yeah. And let's get more into mill spouse conversations. And one, I want to know what. I know. It's your gift, but what sparked you to say, I'm going to do this, and then, yes, walk me through what it's like to be part of your community, because it may be a community that I can possibly finally relate to. Right. I don't have to go in and talk about stuff I don't really care about. And I don't have people that judge me and say, how could you leave your kids like that? I don't know.

Chi Quita Mack [00:34:45]:
It's my job.

Sybil Jones [00:34:48]:
Right.

Chi Quita Mack [00:34:49]:
Tell me about your community.

Sybil Jones [00:34:51]:
Well, look, I will tell you this. A diverse panel. So I have four other conversation starters. We have Navy. We have a navy veteran, and then we have an army. Her husband was active duty, army turned army national Guard, now retired. And we have a marine spouse, and we have three races. Because I'm about, like, when we say we're diverse, because I will say this.

Sybil Jones [00:35:22]:
A lot of times, in the male spouse community, most of your platforms don't look like us.

Chi Quita Mack [00:35:31]:
Just say it.

Sybil Jones [00:35:33]:
Yes.

Chi Quita Mack [00:35:33]:
They don't look like us.

Sybil Jones [00:35:35]:
They do not look like us.

Chi Quita Mack [00:35:36]:
They don't look like me. And I wear the uniform.

Sybil Jones [00:35:40]:
Right. But it's true. It's true. So I'm like, you know what? There's two black ladies. I have hispanic lady, and then there's two white ladies. We different ages. I'm not the oldest. We do have one lady who's a little older than me, so I'm not the oldest.

Sybil Jones [00:36:04]:
And different ranks, and we just come together and we do a talk show, and we do it every Wednesday, and we talk about life. Look, we are rogue, rogue, rogue, rogue. We do virtual events, and we do events around the globe in person. We bring a topic, and we talk about it. What you see is what you get. I'm like, what you see right here is what you get.

Chi Quita Mack [00:36:33]:
For real thing about it. Yeah. Being real. Being your true, authentic selves. Being real. Showing up for each other and spreading that and showing that you can be yourself. You don't have to wear your husband's rink. You can be who you are, and we can have true conversations.

Chi Quita Mack [00:36:53]:
And that's what I love, because I see your interviews and you all's conversation, and it is everyone I feel like is literally being themselves. There's not one person I feel like that is, like, today. No, you guys are truly who you are, and I think that makes your space so much better.

Sybil Jones [00:37:13]:
Yes. Because I do not give the ladies the topics until right before. Even better, because I'm like, look, I don't want you to rehearse your answers. Like, let's be real. Last week, we talked about our favorite cleaning Products. But, see, I had a twist, because being real, I'm like, my favorite for the bathroom. Because sometimes you got to clean that toilet. You got to clean that toilet.

Sybil Jones [00:37:40]:
After you drop the kids off at the pool, you leave the little skid mark. That's what talk about.

Chi Quita Mack [00:37:50]:
It's so funny.

Sybil Jones [00:37:52]:
Hey. Or if we do have a military topic, we're still very real about it. We're like, we're not here to tell you how to maneuver. We share our personal stories. That's what we do. And we want to hear our community's personal stories. So if we do any event, virtual or in person, we bring the topic, we do the intro. But now everyone has a chance to talk.

Sybil Jones [00:38:22]:
It's not a presentation. It's not us telling you that. No, let's talk. We have cried. We have laughed. We have cussed, and I have a potty mouth. I am married to a sailor, but my sailor does not. He doesn't have a potty mouth.

Sybil Jones [00:38:40]:
I do.

Chi Quita Mack [00:38:45]:
Come out sometimes. Come out sometimes.

Sybil Jones [00:38:48]:
My bad.

Chi Quita Mack [00:38:50]:
It's who you are. Not the potty mouth. Not just all of that, but you're being, again, who you are, your authentic selves. And you do show up to your community very well and true to yourself. So please continue doing that as you continue on your rediscovery journey and everything you're giving to male spouse conversations. Please just continue to be who you are truly meant to be, because you are, I know, can be tough. You don't always feel like it, and you may have, like, what am I doing? No, keep showing up for you and keep inspiring as your authentic self.

Sybil Jones [00:39:29]:
That's the only way that is. And as I am still discovering, rediscovering who this new symbol is. But I have accepted. When you mentioned about the pain and the anger earlier, I did not know how to feel my emotions. I didn't know how because life prior to my escapade, I felt like I was always just skipping through the field of sunflowers. Life was good. Life was really good. So this just totally devastated me.

Sybil Jones [00:40:12]:
It blindsided me because I did not fit the normal stroke. I hate to say victim, but stroke warriors physical and health. Cause, right? I just didn't. And so it just totally took the wind out of me. And so it's like, okay, now I've got to. And I would be angry. I didn't know why I was angry. People are like, why are you mad? I don't know.

Sybil Jones [00:40:42]:
I don't know. But now I have accepted. I'll get in the shower every morning, I listen to my gospel music, and I allow myself to feel. I just cry. Or I'll ask my kids if they want a hug. I'm like, do you all want a hug? They're like, no, you need a hug. Because I still haven't admitted that I need hugs. So I ask them.

Chi Quita Mack [00:41:12]:
Come here, mom. Let me give you a hug.

Sybil Jones [00:41:15]:
It.

Chi Quita Mack [00:41:16]:
Let me give you a hug.

Sybil Jones [00:41:18]:
Or even for my husband, because I'm affectionate. But I'm not affectionate. I'm like, oh, I'll hug like this. Okay.

Chi Quita Mack [00:41:30]:
Church hug. I called the church hug.

Sybil Jones [00:41:32]:
Yes. And my husband's like, in 21 years, he's like, apple. I was like, dude, you knew this was me before we got married, but now. Oh, is that you, too?

Chi Quita Mack [00:41:46]:
Yes. I feel like you're talking about me, but you're talking about you.

Sybil Jones [00:41:53]:
I'm the same way.

Chi Quita Mack [00:41:56]:
It's funny is that we talk about five love languages. The love languages. And my husband is definitely the affection. And I'm like, so I'll say stuff like, is your cup full? Like, you keep hugging me. Like, your cup should be full. So when you're filling your cup, you're taking from mine, and I can't give no more. It's so funny that I'm like, okay, I'm not the only one in the world like this.

Sybil Jones [00:42:28]:
My husband's like, sybil mouse. For their husband to just hold them. You're all like, dear, I love it. But then I'm also like, okay, that's enough. That's enough. I'm stopped. Yes. Like, that was 3 seconds.

Sybil Jones [00:42:49]:
3 seconds.

Chi Quita Mack [00:42:50]:
That was one more second longer than you had yesterday. You should be happy. I got to go. Yes.

Sybil Jones [00:42:57]:
But now I'm like, can you just hold me? And he's like, just let it all out. But I'm like, but I don't want to cry.

Chi Quita Mack [00:43:07]:
Get it out.

Sybil Jones [00:43:08]:
Just having that ugly cry, I'm like, okay, I'm releasing. I don't have to hold. Because as you were saying, too earlier about our community, because I remember when I was in the hospital, I did talk to some friends and family. They called, and I started crying. And someone was like, why are you crying? This is nothing to cry about. You're alive. Be grateful. Okay, I am grateful.

Sybil Jones [00:43:38]:
But hello. For me, there's a whole chunk of time that I have no recollection of. I don't. Waking up in the hospital, they asked me my name. Do I know where I was? No. I'm like, up. And I woke up. I'm like, what are these machines? Like, what's going on? And so once I did start talking to people, I just held that in.

Sybil Jones [00:44:08]:
Like, okay, I should be grateful. And it's like, okay, I was grateful. But it's also. It's okay to be angry, be scared, right? Because even still to this day, it's like, okay, what if this happens again?

Chi Quita Mack [00:44:25]:
It's always going to be there.

Sybil Jones [00:44:28]:
What is going on? What is happening? This could happen again. Or as the doctors told me, as long as your stint hold, you're good. How would I know if it doesn't?

Chi Quita Mack [00:44:41]:
Yeah, I think people forget the part where we are supposed to be allowed to process our feelings. And people always like to put a timeline on when you should be okay. I don't know how that worked out, but it always seems to work that way. Like, you should be over it by now. You shouldn't still be talking about that girl that was like two years ago. You still talking about. I am because I'm still processing. Because I couldn't process it then, but I can process it now because I'm in a place to where I can receive all those things.

Chi Quita Mack [00:45:14]:
So stop putting a timeline on people, you all. It's our journeys for a reason. My journey is my journey. Your journey is your journey. And it's important to meet people where they are, but to also understand, don't judge them where they're at, understand where they were, and try to see their progress in that. I just think it's important to just allow people to feel your feelings. I teach that to my kids. Like, what's wrong? No, what are you feeling? Right now.

Chi Quita Mack [00:45:43]:
What exactly are you feeling right now? Because it's important for them to understand their feelings and to process. What? You mad? It's okay. I tell my daughter something. You got attitude, it's okay. You could be mad. But listen, what I'm going to need you to do, though, but still, it's okay to tell them that because I grew up where it was like, girl, stop crying. We ain't got time for that. Do it.

Chi Quita Mack [00:46:06]:
Do as I say, not as I do. Don't ask no questions, blah, blah, blah, blah. And all it did was made me have more questions, like, well, why? I think it's important to feel so even as adults, I don't know what happens where you can cry when you're a child, but when you get, I don't know, an adult, you can't cry. That's not true. I need you to cry it out. I need you to feel. I need you to be vulnerable sometimes, which is difficult. That's something I struggled with.

Chi Quita Mack [00:46:31]:
Ask for help when you need it. And receive love. Receive it. Take it in.

Sybil Jones [00:46:36]:
Yes.

Chi Quita Mack [00:46:37]:
We give it all day, but I need you to be able to receive, like, that hug. Like, my son will randomly hug me at all times of the day. He's really like, mom, let me just give you. And I'm like, boy, what you want? What do you try to ask for? Okay, let me enjoy it because I got too many more years for you out the house, so it's just important to really receive those things.

Sybil Jones [00:47:03]:
Yes, for sure, yes. Are you talking about the kids? Because my oldest is in college. She's a sophomore in college. She'll call or text me. And I'm like, my first response, girl, what you want? And she's like, I'm just checking on you. But I'm like, no, you want some more money, you better tap you to a father on that one.

Chi Quita Mack [00:47:29]:
Yeah, no more. No more. No.

Sybil Jones [00:47:33]:
She's like, I'm just calling to check on you. That's all you're thinking. They want something, what they want from me.

Chi Quita Mack [00:47:41]:
What they want. Oh, my goodness. So talk to me about, you got mamas and coffee. What's that about?

Sybil Jones [00:47:52]:
It's not about coffee. Yeah, so mamas and coffee was actually my first little adventure that I went on, and it's all about inspiring and empowering women to know, be, and love who they are. So I'm really big on self esteem and self love. Those are my things. And self care. So mamas and coffee, talk about life again. It's all about life with me. It's talking about life, mamas, and coffee.

Sybil Jones [00:48:27]:
I have a community with that as well, so it's a website, and then we have a community where we just talk a little out of pocket. Sometimes it's the best because people are like, oh, is it about motherhood? I'm like, well, you want to talk about parenting? You want no parenting advice from me? Trust me, you don't.

Chi Quita Mack [00:48:48]:
We learned by experience, okay? There's no book on parenting.

Sybil Jones [00:48:54]:
Yes. Like, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm still figuring this out. Shoot. Each stage is different, but no, mamas and coffee is just all, again, just inspiring and empowering women. That self identity. I'm self love, self care, and that self identity. Like, who are you? Don't lose who you are just because you're a mom, right? Nah.

Sybil Jones [00:49:17]:
You are more than being a mom. Who are you? Be you. It's a lot of fun. Like I said, we get out of pocket sometimes as moms. We all have a kid, so we all know how you got that kid.

Chi Quita Mack [00:49:38]:
Listen.

Sybil Jones [00:49:39]:
Yeah, we've had those conversations.

Chi Quita Mack [00:49:43]:
So important. Rediscovery is important, and that's how I started. When I initially started, the Chiquita Mac was the focus of rediscovering who you were before the chaos, before the kids and all of that. Really understanding who you are. And that was a question that I had struggled with for many years of, who is Chiquita Mac? I'm like, I don't know. I don't know what that means. I don't really know who I am. I just wanted to pour all my energy into the kids because it was easier than dealing with my stuff and my past traumas.

Chi Quita Mack [00:50:15]:
So I lost myself for a little bit, but, yeah, so I love that you have that platform, because it's important for us. Like you said, we are whole women. Whole women before the babies. And so understanding to be intentional about your actions as a mom. Meaning scheduling time for yourself. Really big on those things, loving who you are, getting dressed up for yourself, and just really stepping into who you are and who you want to be. Like, start that career, start that dream. Write that book, build that journal.

Chi Quita Mack [00:50:47]:
Sell that merch. Whatever you want to do, do it. I say do it. There's no time limit for it. Stop waiting till the baby's 18. That's too long. Start now. Figure out as you go.

Chi Quita Mack [00:50:56]:
Let your dream grow with the babies. Grow. Let it all grow together and implement those things with your kids. Like, my kids are very like, what are you doing? Are you doing my dutch ketomaxo. TCM. Are you doing TCM stuff? I am, which I need.

Sybil Jones [00:51:10]:
Okay.

Chi Quita Mack [00:51:12]:
They know, like, okay, mommy's doing TCM. Or, mommy has this. Speaking for TCM and understand, like, it's important for them to know what I do and what I do it for and the meaning behind it. So that way it's a whole family. So when it comes June back to school time, I'm like, you know, we got all these boxes we got to get ready for back to school. We got 300 schools. We got 300 boxes to give students. We got to pack this up so they know thanksgiving time.

Chi Quita Mack [00:51:36]:
Trey, ma got to carry them turkeys. You already know you got to carry them turkeys. We got to get ready to go. Let's go. We got to go get the turkeys. We got families waiting on us. So it's important to just include your babies in your dream. Don't lose who you are, but include them so that they know.

Chi Quita Mack [00:51:51]:
And then now he's older, he's in school, he's like, can you sign off on my community hours? I'm like.

Sybil Jones [00:51:58]:
For your hours? Because I have my kids. They work for me, and I involve them in everything that I've done, especially with mamas and coffee. I have two, actually. All three of them have written for me, but now they're like, they're too old. They don't have time. I'm like, sit down. Do a video with me. My kids will not make a TikTok with me, but I see you and your kids.

Sybil Jones [00:52:36]:
I'm jealous.

Chi Quita Mack [00:52:40]:
We love it. There's one my son's trying to teach me right now. I don't know how that one's going to look because it's a little difficult. I'm like, before I could keep up. I can keep up right now. He's like, you're not going to do the dance challenge, mom, come on, you got to do the dance challenge. And when he post on his TikTok, it does well, because they're like, you're mom. So he's like, mom, it's about time.

Chi Quita Mack [00:53:00]:
I'm like, before, I was like, come on. I need you all to make content for me. Now he's like, come on, I need you to make content.

Sybil Jones [00:53:08]:
See, the rules have reversed.

Chi Quita Mack [00:53:10]:
It's so funny. And then I go and read the little comments, and they're like, hey, mama Mac. Mama Mac.

Sybil Jones [00:53:16]:
Hey.

Chi Quita Mack [00:53:16]:
Okay, mama Mac. And I'm like, okay, mama Mac, now.

Sybil Jones [00:53:21]:
Yeah, we popped my.

Chi Quita Mack [00:53:23]:
Like, your mama still got it.

Sybil Jones [00:53:28]:
My kids are like, nah, they're like, nah, because I've asked them to do a dance. I was like, let's dance. And they're like, or my youngest, she's 15, so my kids are 1517 and 19. Oh, girl. And my youngest. Mommy, come on. You hear the beat? Come on. And I was like, yes.

Sybil Jones [00:53:51]:
Because that was something, too. After my stroke, I could not find the beat. Like, my rhythm was gone. It's bad. But I worked extremely hard. My best friend came and stayed with us, and she was like, come on, Sybil got the metronome going. I was like, are you serious? Like, why are you doing this to me? She's like, come on.

Chi Quita Mack [00:54:15]:
Yeah.

Sybil Jones [00:54:16]:
I had to work to get my rhythm. Which, again, weird, right?

Chi Quita Mack [00:54:21]:
That's stuff you don't think about.

Sybil Jones [00:54:24]:
Yeah. So now I'm like, okay, let's do a TikTok. They're like, nah, which I haven't done a lot of videos, but I'm trying to get back into the videos. But, yeah, mamas and coffee again. It's that self love, that self care and me time. I talk a lot about me time. Take your me time. It is your time to do what you enjoy.

Sybil Jones [00:54:49]:
It's time for you to clear your mind and refresh your body and soul. And with having older kids and one in college and one who will be leaving for college next year, this summer, I will say, how do I say this without sounding horrible? Your kids, as they grow up, they move on. They love you, but they've moved on. They're not hanging out with you like they were or like they needed to when they were little. Now, as mom of older kids, they need you in a different way. Yes, but they don't want to be around you. And when I first started having kids, when I had my first daughter, my granny, again, a lot of my. I'd say my wisdom comes from my grandmother, which mine do.

Sybil Jones [00:55:37]:
Bear. That's right here. He gave me this bear when I was born. So this bear is 40, and he sits right here. So anytime I'm about to say or do anything bad, I hear the voice, bootsy. I'm like, okay, yes, granny, I know that I was out of pocket for that, but she's like, don't forget who you are. Even when I got married, when I first got married, she's like, don't forget who you are. Always remember who you are.

Sybil Jones [00:56:08]:
Your husband needs you. You are there to support your husband, but you have to have your own identity. And I didn't understand that at the time. And then I'm like, okay, I get it. Because, again, you get wrapped up. I had my own career, so me and my husband met in college, and I had my own career, I had my own goals. But being a military spouse, I actually quit working, not because of moving all the time, but because I started having babies and I didn't want anybody else to take care of them. But there was a time that my baby started getting on my nerves, and I did put them in daycare, and I went to work because I needed a break.

Chi Quita Mack [00:56:48]:
Needed a break.

Sybil Jones [00:56:50]:
I know that probably sounds really bad.

Chi Quita Mack [00:56:52]:
No, it's the truth.

Sybil Jones [00:56:53]:
So I was like, I'm going back to work. But the other thing she told me is, after I had our oldest, she's like, do not lose yourself in your child. You still take time for yourself. Do the things you want to do for yourself. You can leave that baby at home with her father and go out and do something. Now, I'm not clubbing. I wasn't clubbing, but I would go have lunch with a friend or just go out and sit alone. And I have carried that through.

Sybil Jones [00:57:24]:
And even just fixing myself up, get dressed, put on clothes, do something for you know who you are. Your kids love you. But again, I have a 19 year old. She's living her own life. Well, semi living her own life right now. She still call home somebody, I need some money.

Chi Quita Mack [00:57:46]:
That's always yes. Oh, man.

Sybil Jones [00:57:51]:
Yeah, but mamas and coffee and we have a good time. We talk about everything. Everything. I love it. Because I had a question one day that I asked my community, okay, this is TMI. But that's okay. Again, it goes back to my stroke. So I told you my whole left side, right? The entire left side.

Sybil Jones [00:58:21]:
So sex, I had to readjust. So I'm like, okay, guys, because it's like, all right, you got to get the. Because the left side, you're like, yeah, it's not working right now. What do I do? I brought it up. I was like, let me just ask if. Because you don't know.

Chi Quita Mack [00:58:48]:
Yeah.

Sybil Jones [00:58:49]:
You don't know who else may have that experience. And I did end up asking the doctor. I was like, let's just ask the doctor. With my husband sitting there. Yeah, and the doctor, just keep practicing. Just keep practicing.

Chi Quita Mack [00:59:06]:
See if the feeling it'll come back.

Sybil Jones [00:59:11]:
And my husband's like, yeah, we can make that happen. But it's just the left side.

Chi Quita Mack [00:59:18]:
Yeah. He's like, we'll practice. We got a whole practice schedule ready for you.

Sybil Jones [00:59:24]:
And that's how my husband was. He was like, yeah, perfect.

Chi Quita Mack [00:59:34]:
Oh, my goodness, you're so funny.

Sybil Jones [00:59:39]:
That's knowledge people need to know, right?

Chi Quita Mack [00:59:42]:
Yes, they do. And to practice and keep practicing.

Sybil Jones [00:59:50]:
But no, intimacy is an important conversation.

Chi Quita Mack [00:59:56]:
It really is. And I don't know, that's a whole nother podcast episode right there. Oh, my gosh. Do you care to share with the audience anything that you have upcoming or anything that you're currently working on?

Sybil Jones [01:00:14]:
Well, currently, I don't want to say hoping I will have my stroke talks website launched soon. By the end of January, it will be launched, ready to go. And we'll have content there, blog posts as well as videos with monthly virtual meetups to talk about stroke. Because in our community, I will say this too. In our community, it is the highest mortality rate of stroke. And every community I have joined for stroke support, no one's there that looks like me. Now, we can say it's a high mortality rate, but there are stroke survivors who look like you and I, but we're not there sharing. So that's what I'm working on.

Chi Quita Mack [01:01:10]:
To bring that community, it's needed bringing that awareness and telling our community it's okay to talk about it and to share. And I think once they see that they can be in a safe place where others looks like them and can have those true and open conversations, it'll be so beneficial. Especially for the other aspect that we talked about today, which is that mental health part. It's so hard for us to find a safe space for us where we won't be judged and we can have others that have shared those things be there. So I want to thank you for going out there exploring and saying, okay, look, we have to make a community for our people so that they can come and talk about this, because I know I'm not the only one. It's just there's not a safe space for our people to come. So I'm excited that you're doing this. I can't wait until you get it up and running.

Chi Quita Mack [01:02:11]:
Let me know. And I will definitely put it on all my platforms to get people to bring awareness to it. Definitely let me know.

Sybil Jones [01:02:19]:
Thank you. You're welcome very much.

Chi Quita Mack [01:02:21]:
You're welcome. I am so thankful that you were able to join me for this podcast. It has been everything. I thought it would be inspirational and more. And I want to thank you for trusting me with your story and trusting me with your journey. Can you tell the listeners where they can find you on social media?

Sybil Jones [01:02:47]:
Oh, I forgot. No, you can find me at mom Jones. M-O-M-J-O-N-Z stroke talks with Sybil, Sybil and mill spouse conversations. But if you find me at mom Jones, everything filters into mom Jones, and.

Chi Quita Mack [01:03:07]:
I will have everything linked in the show notes. So you can know whichever platform fits you the most. You have a place to join. You can click and be a part of it.

Sybil Jones [01:03:20]:
Thank you. Yay.

Chi Quita Mack [01:03:23]:
Thank you so much. I am super excited. All right, you guys, that is it for the beauty and you podcast today. Until next time, thank you for joining.

Jacqueline G. [01:03:31]:
Thank you for joinging us on this week's episode of the Beauty and you podcast. Don't forget to rate, review and subscribe. Visit us at thechiquitamack.com or join us on Instagram at thechiquitamack for your daily motivation and inspiration. Tell a friend to tell a friend. Until next time.